7 ways to be a better boyfriend
After a four-year relationship, I’ve reflected on how much I’ve grown in my role as a partner (disclaimer: I’ve failed at all of these):
- Celebrate the stupid little shit. First kiss? Great, mark that on your Google calendar, set a reminder, and when the anniversary comes: celebrate it. Whatever the occasion is, this stuff barely takes any effort and 10x’s the incredibly sacred thing that is your successful relationship.
- Find ways to affirm each other. Saying ‘I love you’ all the time is wonderful, but take it up a notch. Tell her why and tell her often. Find creative ways to tell her. Leave her a post-it note in the fridge, leave her a voicemail, or send her an email ← nvm don’t do that one.
- Give her ‘A-level’ attention. Talking to her on the phone? Nice, Don’t look at Facebook on your laptop at the same time. Cuddling in bed? Great, Trump’s Twitter feed does not matter. Be present with your partner — it’ll cultivate a positive experience whenever you two are interacting.
- Don’t bother her when you’ve had a couple extra drinks. Seriously, nothing good is going to come out of this. Don’t call her, don’t text her, don’t go over to her place. It’s fun when you two have both gone out together. When it’s just one of you, it’s a nuisance at best, disaster at worst. If you have something to say, save it for the morning.
- Show interest in what she cares about. You don’t care about modern art? Doesn’t matter — pay attention anyways. Listen to her about her passions, ask her questions about it. And when she drags you to some event that you don’t want to go to, just be excited for her and the fact that she’s even passionate about something. One day she may even watch Gladiator with you for the 18th time. (Are you not entertained?!?!)
- Write down your feelings (with brutal honesty). Got some beef? Before you go agro on each other, try this: write down all your feelings. Get to the real shit — the brutally honest shit. If you write it down in advance, it’ll give you enough time to parse out the emotions from the realities. It’ll also help you frame your thoughts logically so you two can work on resolving your issues rather than just escalating the nonsense. Bonus: (learned this from my parents) always restore good feeling before you go to sleep — it’s the one thing proven to lead to long lasting relationships [citation coming].
- Just straight up ask her how you can be a better boyfriend. If you’ve been dating long enough I’m sure she’ll have some ideas 😉
P.S. Read some real books on relationships, potentially see a professional, and generally avoid click-baity articles like I just wrote 😂