The Feeling Of Not Being Enough
Welp another day in the life of me is complete. Sometimes I surprise myself with how I get through the day without crying, and if you know me crying is one of the main things I do up until I had my daughter and then it all started again. When my amazing daughter came along everything seemed to be going better emotional wise. Two weeks pass and then I started feeling like the old me again. And by the old me I mean the me that never felt like she was good enough for people and someone who thought almost everything was her fault because of something random she did.
To be honest nowadays I feel like I am a let down to not only to my mother but my daughter as well. I work a full time job at night, sleep in the am then take care of my daughter in the afternoon, but even in the afternoon I still am not the only one who wants to hold her. I am in no way blaming anyone for taking my daughter away from me, but yet that’s how I feel. I feel like I went through the process of making and having my daughter for someone else to take care of her.
All I want is for my daughter to know who her mother is and know the reason why I’m doing this is for her. My biggest fear is that she will grow up thinking that my mother or my grandmother is her mom because that’s who she is with at night and in the mornings. But I have to keep telling myself that the fear of her not knowing me as her mom is a fear every mother has. But knowing that other mothers go through this same fear is a calming factor for me.