we were

i wish i had known
that we would not always stay by each others side
i wish i had known
that life would carry you a separate way
but i remember You.
as you were. as we were.
i remember Us.
how big we were.
how fast, how strong,
untouchable, invincible.
i remember the steps we walked
the parks we ran through
the alcohol we shouldn’t have drank
the cigarettes we didn’t know how to smoke
the life we didn’t know how to live.
we didn’t need to know.
you shouldn’t have needed to know
what it’s like to lose someone you love.
you shouldn’t have gone through it all
and i wasn’t a very good friend then.
i wish i had known,
you needed help.
from the start.
we were only thirteen.
how could we have known.
that we were buried deep somewhere we did not understand
oh how we were lucky
that we did not understand.
i remember tears 
i remember laughter
i remember being by your side
i remember you being by mine.
We have grown.
We have grown apart.
I do not remember the last time 
I made the effort to come see you.
I remember the last time I saw you though.
I remember the first time I saw you.
Oh we were so small.
We were so
And oh how we thought we were big.
you gave me wings, old friend.
i would have withered away quietly
i would have spent my life in corners
trying not to be too loud
your laugh was so loud.
i hope it still is.
i think of you from time to time, old friend.
i think about how we drifted apart.
how i think it was supposed to happen.
I hope you are happy.
i knew you at a time that i think you were not.
i did not know it then.
i couldn’t have seen it then.
we were only fourteen.
we could not have known it then.
but we were the kings of our world
we were.
we were the knights in the dark
with hushed up laughs
we were the commanders in the shadows
loud and proud
in all the places we know we should not have been
and i was truly happy
being someone i wasn’t at home
being lost within myself 
not knowing a goddamn thing.
it fed me.
and i think it ate you.
we were only fifteen.
and we did not know a thing.
i’m glad i didn’t know
that life would lead us apart.
because for those small important years,
we were all we had.
and i am glad i did not know that i would lose you.

i hope you are happy, old friend.