Is Happiness Defined by Having a Lover?

For all teenagers or people in 20 something like me, who worry about not having a lover in a circle of your society.


I started to have a boyfriend since I was 7th grader in junior high school. During my junior high school I have been through 3 times of this kind of relationship, but my last ex is my favourite even we didn’t work well.

He is a caring, loving, and humourous person I have ever had. I loved the way he made me laugh, every jokes he threw at me but he also has flaws. One of them is that he is a bit possessive for a young girl like me at the time, who loves doing many things with other boys, like playing music or anything else. At least that was what I thought long ago.

Besides that, there were many other things which lead us to stop continuing our relationship, but I don’t regret that time. I never.


We are all now seeing that most of teenagers nowadays seem like craving for a lover, to do relationship goals, and many things similar. They thought if they had a lover, their life would be happier.

I spent 4–5 years not being a couple, and I lived in a circle where people around me are having a lover. I admit that sometimes I felt envy about their relationship, or lonely but it doesn’t mean I was not happy back then.

I had many things that I just realized it made me happy. The things are:

  • I still have friends who always cheer me when I am down, throw jokes at me, mock at me, but also a place where I can share many many things in my mind.
  • I still have my hobbies that can make me happy, reading books, playing music, doing sports, travelling with friends, joining several communities and so on.
  • I have longer time to contemplate anything that crossed in my mind which I really like to do when I am alone. Sometimes it is a pleasure for me when I can answer many questions that I asked to myself.
  • I learn to see myself deeper from contemplating, see the flaws, forgive myself for any flaws I have, and to accept and love my self as who I am.
  • I learn to see a love in a logic way too, not only by a feeling. The best love is about commitment, intimacy, and passion (consummate love in the triangular theory of love by Sternberg).

Therefore I realized that happiness cannot be defined as only one way: “by having a lover”.

Pictures from: onnit.com

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