India’s dowry system devalues women
Although I’m not the most well-versed in Bollywood films, having immigrated to the United States at the age of 7, I’ve watched my share of them. A more recent movie I dove into with my parents during a weekend back home was Daawat-e-Ishq, a rom-com about a young woman who falls for an attractive chef from a small town.
Like any Bollywood film, the movie was colorful, with cheerful songs, and a lot of on-screen drama. But, at the heart of the film was a thought-provoking conversation on dowries, the Indian practice of giving a groom’s family a conditional gift for the marriage of the bride. Dowries can range from hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash to gold, cars, or property.
As the main character, Gulrez, sets out to expose the absurdity of dowries, the film takes twists and turns as wild as any Three Stooges or Charlie Chaplin movie. The reality was, however, after we turned off Netflix and crawled into bed, the problem posed by Daawat-e-Ishq wasn’t actually solved. The dowry system continues to prevail: There are millions of young women in India who are victimized by dowries. And it doesn’t seem like it will go away anytime soon.
Not many people talk about the dowry and its impact on Indian society these days, as many have come to accept the dowry as an aspect of Indian tradition. In fact, some families (including those who are seemingly modernized) continue to justify the dowry system.
They believe it is a source of pride for their family to showcase their wealth in the process of giving their daughter away. In reality, by participating in the dowry system, these families reduce their daughters to the status of cattle: to be bought, sold, and transferred, all at the mercy of the groom’s family. These requests may come up in casual conversation, but more often than not, they arrive at the bride’s doorstep in the form of a lengthy letter or a serious phone call. As the parents negotiate the value of the daughter, one thing is clear: The dowry system and India’s current marriage process has turned women into a commodity in a larger market.
Granted, India banned dowries in 1961, but little is done to actually enforce the law. Most cases go unreported, as communities often chastise those who refuse to provide a dowry.
One of the main reasons the dowry system must be eradicated is because it is one of the leading causes of gendercide in India. Gendercide is the systematic killing of a specific gender. The 2012 documentary It’s A Girl, portrays stories of several families in Asia who have murdered their child due to pressures from society.
Within a few frames of the documentary, It’s a Girl introduces viewers to a woman in Tamil Nadu, India, who stands atop a dirt pit. Her wrinkled face, caked by dust and sweat, manifests no emotion. As a gentle breeze moves the folds of her ragged saree, she describes strangling eight of her baby girls and burying each of them in the same plot of land.
In places like India, where a dowry is mandatory in many marriages, people view baby girls as an enormous financial burden to the family and women are forced by their in-laws or families to kill their child. The continued practice of dowries contributes to a system in which girls are devalued and treated as property, which ultimately leads to gendercide. And quite frankly, those who request dowries should feel ashamed. They’re contributing to the larger, mass murder of the female gender.
In one of many recent cases where the practice of dowry has led to a death, 22-year-old Nalina from Bangalore, India hung herself after her fiancé’s family harassed her for an exorbitant dowry which they could not afford to pay.
The victim’s father told the Bangalore Mirror, “He said that taking dowry was a matter of pride for him. When I shouted at him on the phone, he disconnected the call. But without our notice, he and his sister continued to harass my daughter for dowry. But my daughter kept us in the dark. On June 28, Dibanna had come home and argued with us in front of Nalina for dowry. He went away when we refused to give him any dowry.”
Nalina left behind a 12-page letter, detailing the ordeal and her decision to commit suicide due to the pressures from her fiancé to provide a dowry.
How many Nalinas will it take for the Indian government to take real action on this problem?
Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi started a social media campaign called #SelfieWithDaughter to promote the value of Indian women, after recognizing the troubling statistics regarding declining sex ratio in several districts of India.
But, as I have learned in my own leadership roles, social media campaigns do little other than raise awareness. The same fathers who tweet photos of their young daughters with the tagline “Beti Bachao, Beti Padhao” (Save your Daughter, Teach your Daughter) are likely planning to give their daughters away with the promise of a dowry through an arranged marriage.
Awareness is just step one. Policy and enforcement is far more valuable for change. Prime Minister Narendra Modi and the Indian government must act immediately to enforce preexisting dowry laws.
Furthermore, a cultural shift is necessary in India. People must have the choice to marry whom they want. A marriage by choice, where the woman and man choose their own suitors, is considered a “love marriage.” Indian society frowns upon this practice. But, it’s frankly outdated logic to believe having your parents choose your groom based on horoscopes is going to guarantee a better outcome than choosing your own partner based on compatibility and love.
I am privileged in that I immigrated to the United States at the age of seven. I now have the choice to pick my spouse, without others assigning an arbitrary value to my looks, my passions, and my personality. Although marriage is the least of my concerns at the age of 20, my heart aches for many of my extended family members who do not have this privilege.
I take great pride in my Indian heritage. The vibrancy of our films, dresses, food and culture is sought after globally. But, the dowry system is one aspect of my heritage I look at with disgust. It’s time for us to stand up and denounce the practice. The lives of millions of women depend on it.
