If a Flower Blooms in an Abandoned Field is it Beautiful?

I doubt, therefore I am (a woman). Although, I think my current phase of my life is more adequately described as — not a girl, not quite a woman. My personal doubt is written across my face, literally. My doubt in my self, my opinions, and my surroundings has left a trail of scars across my forehead and nose from constant picking at my skin. Now I know, I know, this not a very glamorous confessional, but it ain’t no secret either. Just look at my forehead next time your up on my Instagram (I know it’s a temptation).

For a long time I let myself write off this bad habit as a nervous twitch due to low self-esteem. Because that’s what I had been taught to believe was my, and every other girl who ever picks at her face or bites her nails, problem. Self-esteem is defined as a person’s perception of their self-worth. I’m not saying that I don’t have low self-esteem, but you better believe that I’m working on it. However, when I think about my perception of myself, and really get down into the nitty gritty, I have found that for the most part I don’t think any part of me isn’t worthy of others. Hey I think I’m pretty damn worth it — now watch me as I work it. But what does being worth it really mean? Focusing on the idea of worth means that we are focusing our attitudes on the perceptions of others; as this idea comes from the perception that something is only given value when someone says it is so.

If I were to stand up in front of an assembly room of Jr. High girls I would not try to preach saying , “You are worth it ladiesss!” No. Because that room, those girls, they don’t owe their worth to anyone, nobody else gets to determine what their value is. This is why words preaching worth are empty. What I would wish to stress, to engrain into the mind of every girl in that room, is that they don’t owe their worth to anyone. What they need to do is not doubt that they are each unique and incredible, because that is what they owe themselves. I think that self-doubt is a much more dangerous train of thought for a girl to ride along than low self-esteem; as self-doubt is a direct lack of confidence in ones own abilities. Not what someone else values your abilities at!

Now I’m twenty. My bad “low self-esteem” face picking habit persists, but why then do I not feel like I am on the sale rack? Why then do I not feel like my worth has been marked down? I don’t think these things, because as a not quite woman my worth isn’t determined by others. I was born with my personal worth, but what I have let determine my actions is the personal doubt that I will not live up to this potential. When I look in the mirror I do not think, “oh he or she doesn’t think I’m worth it,” and ultimately who cares what they think! What I think is I might not be reaching my goals, I didn’t handled a situation correctly, or that I might be falling short of a self-imposed expectations. All of these are personal doubts to my abilities. Abilities that I know exist, just as a flower knows it will eventually bloom.

In order to help girls we need to stop only focusing on building up their self-esteem. I do not want my sisters to be told that they need to have high self-esteem, because this reinforces the idea that these girls owe something of their value to what others think. Helping girls and helping my sisters to not develop ticks like picking their face will be accomplished by dispelling doubts of their capacities. If we were to consider each young girl to be a flower bud we would not focus on the idea of worth, because we know that they will eventually grow into a special beauty no matter if they are alone in a field or being gazed upon in a garden. What we must work on, to truly help girls, is the cultivation of beliefs that dispel the self-doubt that would prevent them from blooming. Ingraining and reinforcing the sense that a flower is still beautiful, even if nobody ever tells it so.