Sani and Luna

In his daily life everyone knows him as someone who could make anyone smile. He is the sort of person who can act as the bridge when his mates have been engulfed in conflicts. While he rarely took the spotlight, everyone knows that he is the glue that sticks everyone together.

“You’re this lad who never go around and stick your nose in everyone’s butt, but you’re the one that every group of people needs.”

It was what Julian said to Sani in one morning, before Julian went to somewhere far to start living a different life.

The words still struck to him right until now. While not only Julian that ever said that to him, Sani never felt like he is that kind of man. He is just somehow staying true to his ideal until the very end. Sani never likes conflict so he’s just trying to do as best as he can to prevent it. Furthermore, if he sense that a conflict will arise in his inner circle, he will make sure to extinguish it to the last bit.

Everyone is trying to rely on him about everything. Julian nags about his boring life to him. Dom is still shutting himself in because of Vim. Peno is always being the carefree as he is and Rangga always complain about every single thing. It’s not like any of it matters for Sani. As long as he can help, he will be glad to do anything.

But here’s the thing about Sani,

He is the one who shut himself the most.

Sani never liked to talk about his problems as if the world is never tests him. When he had problems, no one would ever know what the hell is going on. He just smiled and waved it all away. He never wanted his friends to be burdened by his problem.

Although he never realized this behavior but it’s killing him slowly.

That day, Sani was riding his bike. He didn’t know what happened but he was riding it furiously. He was speeding to his bike’s limit, to the point where his bike was shaking like crazy. He didn’t know where to go and he wasn’t thinking to go to any particular place. He didn’t think about anything, his eyes were zoning out and he let the wind took the helm of his journey.

He stopped the bike when he felt he needed a rest. It was already dusk and the street vendors were starting their preparation for the night. Sani knew this street. This was where he took his beloved to a date for the first time.

It was five years ago when he and his beloved walked hand by hand through this lively street. Buying his favourite fried ball of sweet potato while sipping the infamous hot ginger milk. His beloved never taste something like those fried ball of sweet potato, but he thinks she liked it. He can still remember the warmth of his beloved hand wrapping around his own hand. He can still taste the bitter sweet and hot sensation on his lips from the hot ginger milk.

Later that night, after drinking so much water to wash away the Chinese food they ate for dinner, Sani can still remember the first time he taste those lips. And how he was ready if that day is the day he died. He will die as the happiest man.

Sani looked at his phone only to realize that today is their fifth anniversary.

He took out a cigarette and inhaling the bitter, toxic but addicting hint of tobacco. His beloved always told him to stop smoking. But he can’t.

That evening was the mark of the two years of their separation. It was also on this street that his beloved said they can’t be together anymore. His beloved wanted to focus on her career and she can’t stay committed to him.

He felt a tiny vibration from his phone and there’s this chat from Julian.

“Are you okay, mate?”
“Been better, mate.”
“Should we meet then?”
“Need time to let it all go, mate.”
“Let it be, mate.”

I know, Jul. I know. Sani decided not to reply Julian last chat and talking by himself instead.

Today marks the day where his beloved begin her new life journey with her husband. Julian, Dom, Peno and Rangga were attending her wedding. Sani was invited too but he still hasn’t had the guts to go there.

Carefully inhaling the tobacco of his favourite cigarette, the one without any filter, Sani has made up his mind.

After this one, I have to let her go. This cigarette will be the last memento of the crisp fried ball of sweet potato, the hot ginger milk and those lips I always longed for. Tonight, I shall erase you, the one who introduce Noruwei no Mori to me and my first love, from my heart and my mind.
Goodbye, Luna.