“I’m not sure.”
He says while playing with the sleeves of his white jacket.
“What are you not sure of, Rodney?”
“Everything. I keep seeing butterflies everywhere.”
“Can you touch those butterflies?”
“No. Every time i try, those things would fly into my stomach and stay there. It makes me nauseous.”
The Doctor then write a few notes in the patient log and proceed asking.
“So imaginary butterflies.. Right. What else?”
“It’s my brain. My brain won’t shut down, Doc. It constantly drift to random thoughts, mostly about a girl. I can’t shut the voices too, Doc. They’re telling me to do things.”
The Doctor look shocked.
“What kind of things? Is it potentially harmful to you or even others?”
“No, i don’t think so. The voices are telling me to stop thinking and give in. I can feel a revolution is happening inside me. Something is trying to take over me, Doc.”
Rodney gaze down terrified. Terrified of the things inside him.
“Have you try suppressing those urges, those feelings, those thoughts.. the voices inside of you?”
“Yes, Doc. But i’m not happy when i did.”
“Why is that?”
“Because my mind is telling me one thing but the voices are telling me the opposite. The more i think about it, the more i realize that the voices are right. But my mind isn’t wrong either. I can’t really choose, Doc.”
The Doctor sighs.
It seems like Rodney hasn’t make any progress in the last few months of treatment.
“Rodney, you do realize that you are.. special.. right? A person with your condition can sometimes see and hear things that aren’t real. You have a problem of comprehending reality as it really is.”
“Really? But i thought..”
The Doctor cut him right off.
“Yes. This is the twelfth time I’m explaining this to you Rodney. Your condition is also known to cause short term memory loss too, i’m not surprised if you don’t remember any of this.”
To that answer, Rodney’s face saddened.
You could almost see the disappointment in his eyes.
“But i know your condition is not the reason you’re experiencing this, Rodney.”
“Then what is it, Doc?”
“It’s something much worse and could struck just about anyone, with or without a special medical history.”
The room goes silent for a brief moment.
Rodney calm himself down a bit by gripping the armrest tightly.
“It’s fine. I’m fine. I can handle it, Doc. Tell me what it is.”
“What you are experiencing now Rodney are clear symptoms of either lust or love, both are equally dreadful.”
Rodney bursts into laughter like the mad man he usually is. His condition makes it impossible for him to function normally like everybody else.
This is actually the first time he is able to act and talk normally to another human being in a long time.
The Doctor thought Rodney made a huge progress by behaving himself for the past week.
Sadly, he is mistaken.
The clock strike twelve and that ended today’s session.
Two nurses walks in and escort Rodney back to his room.
Just before he reaches the door, he turn to the Doctor and ask.
“Which is crazier, Doc? To be plainly insane or to still be able to fall in love even midst insanity?”
The Doctor closed the log he was writing in upon hearing his question.
He answers with caution, afraid of embedding unwanted unrealistic ideas about romance into Rodney’s mind.
“I’m afraid thats beyond my knowledge, Rodney. I can only say this to you whose mind constantly wanders too far off; be content no matter what your symptoms are.”
“Because in the end, happiness is only a state of mind.”