Social Savvy #2: Your Influencers & Steering The Elephant
Welcome to day TWO of the Social Savvy Series where the goal is to get you to that next level when it comes to socializing with people and also being good around women.
As I said in the last video the initial goal is to construct some building blocks, break down certain ideas you might hold onto and really start getting down to knowing what we are as humans are a fundamental level, and what is going on inside our brains.
So today I want to go into the human mind, and talk about the science as to why we feel the way we do, why we do the things we do and why, sometimes, we may experience a lack of control over ourselves.
So it’s somewhat of a psychology 101 level, but customized especially for this course and what we want to achieve.
So the number one thing you need to know about the human brain is that we don’t actually have one, single, unified brain. This is a mistake most people make straight off the bat.
Our brain actually is broken up into three parts.
The first part is our reptilian brain, which is the oldest part of our brain and this is very primitive in nature but also extremely powerful. In fact, the more primitive the part of our brain is, the more it influences us. The reason for this is it just has a lot more evolution behind it and has contributed and adapted to our survival for a longer time than the other parts of our brain.
In essence the reptilian brain is our fight or flight response. It moves towards pleasure and it moves away from danger or pain.
Remember this is the most powerful part of our brain when it comes to making decisions and works on a completely unconscious level. If you are just learning about this now, you should be starting to realize the implications of this, and that why some things, like, say, approaching women, often feels like an impossible feat.
The second part of our brain, now moving closer to the surface, is our limbic system or what some refer to as our “emotional brain”. This is the second strongest decider in your day to day decision making. For those of you who know a bit about marketing or anything were persuasion is involved, you will know that good marketers or sellers always try and talk to the emotional brain of a person. People take advantage of the cognitive biases of our brain in order to sell us things.
If you are taking notes right now. I want you to take one thing from this video over all other things and that is to remember that,
your brain is not built for your success. It is built purely for your survival.
Only one part of your brain, your logical neocortex, which runs on a limited amount of wilpower, which depletes between sleeping can be geared towards your success.
The human brain has been referred to as a rider on an out-of-control elephant. The rider being your willpower. If you are able to use your willpower to steer the elephant, then you have a large, powerful magnificent beast under your control, however, should you lose control and elephant is capable of massive amounts of destruction.
The aim here is to be aware of the major areas of the brain in order to understand yourself and have better control over your logic and better awareness over your decisions and your habits so that you are able to change from the inside out.
Cognitive Biases That Effect You
Lets take a look at some of the biases that effect the mind. These are known by large companies, brands and marketers to influence society, and they can be used by you to influence society too. There are actually many biases. Charlie Munger, Warren Buffett’s business partner, broke down the 25 most important ones. Lets go into a couple here and see if you can identify some that you tend to be effected by.
The main biases include:
The Punishment and Reward Biases
We move towards things that have rewards upon completion and move away from punishment. This may be the reason why many men have, do and will maybe not approach many women after being rejected. Their brain doesn’t like it, creates a bad association related to punishment, and thats that. A man who associates talking to women with reward, a natural ladies man, or a man with lots of women in his family, will usually perform best because they are rarely punished when interacting with women.
The Liking Bias
Similar to what you might know as the HALO effect. We ignore the faults of people or products if we admire the company or individual offering said things. On the flip-side, the hating bias says that we will dislike and ignore the virtues of things coming from a source we hate. This ties in with knowing how to be likable despite what you are offering. This is why you might often like people others don’t. You dig their overall style, but others might think they speak complete drivel no matter what.
The Doubt Avoidance Tendency
When we are unsure of whether to make a decision or not we will avoid doubt by making a quick, ill-informed decision so as to avoid the feeling of doubt. This can help you as well as hurt you. This is what the famous 3 second rule is based on, whereby its easier to approach people if you don’t allow yourself to think and you go in as quickly as possible even while not knowing what to say.
We have a reluctance to change. Changing bad habits is a very difficult and rare thing for most. You hopefully won’t fit into this category after completing this series. On the flip side, if you do make it through, you deserve a pat on the back.
Life isn’t fair but many people cannot accept this. The fact is, a little unfairness should be tolerated for the greater good. We talked a little on this in the first video as it applies somewhat to being humble about what you deserve.
Warren Buffet says, its not greed that drives the world, its envy. A good point. When you are out, don’t get envious of those doing better than you. It serves you no good. Focus on your own goals and objectives and move ahead on those. Eventually you’ll see more people behind, than ahead of you.
We have a tendency to want to return favors to those who help us. This is one to remember. Giving is a skill that we’ll hone in on and get right.
Pain avoiding denial. We tend to blur or distort the truth in our minds when we are unable to deal with a painful truth. This often happens to men who are in troubled waters with women. From just knowing that it’s a bias that has been recorded, can help ease the pain. The things that are going on in your head are not all just unexplainable emotions or “love” feelings. A good way to overcome this is to get the opinions of those on the outside.
We tend to think we are above average or better than others. This is another bias we can use to our advantage. It obviously effects us when we are on the receiving end, but portraying excessive self-regard can also be used to effect others.
Deprival Super-Reaction Tendency
We tend to be loss averse, meaning, we would rather not lose something than gain something. This is huge. There have been tests done where participants have actually turned down taking $5 in the long term so they don’t lose $2 in the short term. Goes to show our brains are often not quite wired correctly for the modern day.
Social Proof Tendency
We tend to think and act the way we see others think and act. We learn through what is called osmosis. This is where the saying “birds of a feather flock together” comes from. The term “Social proof” probably rings a bell for those of you involved in any seduction communities. We will go more into it’s importance later.
Stress influence Tendency
Stress can help us in small doses, but generally it causes disfunction. This is why it’s better to approach people quickly as opposed to waiting and allowing your stressors time to kick in. If someone has allowed themselves to get freaked out, I’ve been inclined to avoid certain approaches altogether.
Drug Mis-Influence Tendency
This speaks for itself and we will go more into this later. This is people relying on substances or alcohol in order to do something. To reach very high levels with your social skills, alcohol can not be used as a crutch.
We tend to believe things that are told to us from an authority without any other evidence besides this fact. If you are a perceived authority, it generally has the same effect.
Spending too much time on trivial tasks that have no apparent ROI for your life. Love Candy Crush? Spend hours on end scrolling your Facebook feed? This is you.
The Certainty Bias
When we hold an idea or belief in our minds, we will only look for research or ideas that support what we already believe and generally will argue with those who oppose us, as opposed to researching the view from the opposing side.
Multiple biases being used in order to obtain a specific outcome.
I suggest everyone read up on their evolutionary psychology. These are by no means all of the biases. A lot of these are taken from Charlie Mungers Almanack which is a book you can find here, if you are interested. Dr. David Buss is also a great author for all things evolutionary psychology related.
Remember I mentioned in the first video, that you can never get too good at your foundations, and right now we are at the roots level still.
That reminds me of another bias, known as senescence which is that we lose skills and attributes as we age, so its important to apply ourselves often to continued learning. As Sigmund Freud said,
We are threatened with suffering from three directions: from our own body, which is doomed to decay and dissolution and which cannot even do without pain and anxiety as warning signals; from the external world, which may rage against us with overwhelming and merciless forces of destruction; and finally from our relations to other men. The suffering which comes from this last source is perhaps more painful to us than any other. We tend to regard it as a kind of gratuitous addition, although it cannot be any less fatefully inevitable than the suffering which comes from elsewhere.
You can see that people do know how to influence you on an emotional level and now you are starting to possess similar tools.
The final part of the brain is our neocortex. Naturally this is the part of the brain in charge of logical decisions, rationale, and reasoning. Men can often get caught up in trying to use logic in order to influence people, and it’s the same reason many intelligent men fail with women and the dumb boisterous men tend do much better.
It’s not a bad thing.
Think about it. If it wasn’t that way that way, you could just walk up to a women, state your yearly income, the car you drive, the area you live, and before you both got back to said car, she’d already be jumping your bones like a dog in heat.
Thats not how it works. You never want to logic a girl to be with you.
This episode in the series is one you should come back to especially when you are in situations where you are questioning your own emotions. We will go a little deeper into the video, but while going deeper we will start to hone in our focus more onto our associations with the opposite sex.
I want you think on these biases. If you are already aware of them, great, but you can never be too aware. Some people are a sucker for more biases than others. For me I can think of times different ones have got to me. Even for lunch yesterday I found myself in a certain fast food establishment, wondering why I was stuffing myself when I know its bad for me. Again, this is emotion over-riding logic.
My 200,000+ year old reptilian brain was making me gorge on the food because thats a habit it has evolved with. Its beside the point, but did you know thats why we gorge on food, even when we know its bad? Its our desire for sugar, salt and fat that used to be a scarce resource and our brain hasn’t caught up yet with modern society. It doesn’t know we can just go down to the store and get our fix at any time.
Many men have these similar unhealthy connections with people, as I did with the bad food. Again, its a mismatch with society and what our brain thinks it needs.
That has nothing apparently to do with building social skills, but if you think deeper it really does. The takeaway here is that you need to be aware of these things before you can change. Your brain likely hangs on to most of these habits or biases and moving forward we need to do two things. 1) Get them as under control as possible within yourself, and 2) develop and understanding on how you might be able to use them to persuade and influence people.
This is not about manipulation. I condemn using any of this advice for bad, but still, being smart and knowledgable on a subject in order to help yourself grow. That isn’t bad.
There is nothing noble about being ignorant.
To close out, think on these. Tomorrow when you go out, be aware of things around you. Especially in the media. Notice things like click-bait or email marketing campaigns. How are they trying to draw you in. Maybe they try to get people to like them, maybe they promote a product with a sense of scarcity to bring out our competitive nature and desire to own rare things. Maybe you are now aware why you are effecting some people and you’ve been able to put a little bit of meta-language behind it.
I hope you took something from this, and if it seems a little bit hazy as to what it is you are exactly being taught here, please bare with me.
This might not be why you a following this series, but I’m trying to fire off certain concepts in your mind NOW, so when we get into more practical things, you make much better sense of them.
See you on the next one.