SOCIAL SAVVY #21: THE GENERAL PROCESS OF “SOLID GAME”
Welcome to episode 21, and also the beginning of the home stretch as we work our way through these more practical lessons that, with the core foundation that we started off with internalized, are really going to skyrocket your interactions with women. So for this episode we are going to dive into what pulling a girl from a club or bar usually looks like from start to finish.
Before we move ahead with different stages that you will probably start noticing the more you practise, I want to emphasise the fact that these are, round-about stages.
The reason you need to think of things in terms of stages when you are starting out is that you can logically pinpoint places were you a messing up most commonly. These are also known as sticking points. So during any interaction, it’s important that while you are being clear in your intentions, you aren’t thinking too much about the end goal, but more so how you are going to proceed purely one step beyond where you are at any given time.
That means, when you approach a girl you shouldn’t be thinking about how to kiss her or get her home, but more so, how you are able to engage her and have her engage you in conversation.
So, on that note, let’s look at an approach from start to finish and what the general stages usually look like.
Note that this is what is referred to as Solid Game, although that is a subjective term. Sometimes you will pull off an approach or very quickly into an open, but for the point of learning, you should be versed in all of these stages, so you can identify sticking points.
We have gone into how to approach but, just to give a brief review, you are either going to gauge for eye-contact, if that’s your style, or not. At the end of the day, with or without eye contact, the approach in and of itself is going to be the same. It needs to be strong, unapologetic, yet cool and non-needy.
Do whatever you need to do to approach. Like I said, some people like low risk especially early on in their first approaches, so if you need eye contact, try and get it but don’t let it be a crutch. If you have problems chasing down girls, or coming at them direct, then there is also the arc approach, where if a girl is that bar, you walk around and meet her on the side in passing rather than a frontal assault.
Do whatever you have to do to take pressure off the approach, but the important thing is that you still do approach.
COMMON STICKING POINTS
- Not approaching. Approach anxiety.
- Making up excuses as to why you don’t approach
- Being put off by guys in a group, or unnecessarily limiting yourself to certain kinds of sets
Opening is a sticking point for a lot of guys, often walking up and stopping next to the group and not fully go in. It’s the most awkward thing I’ve ever seen. It’s like “Hey, let me jump in this group,” they walk over, get within 2 metres of the set and then stand there and either, not go in, ogle, or wave at their friend/wing like, “Hey come on dude, me and you!”
If you’re not going all the way in, don’t even approach or get closer. Giving proximity is a female strategy, not a male one.
Here are some points on opening…
Opening must be bold, unapologetic and clear. Girls look like attention whores if they are constantly reacting to half-assed attempts at guys hitting on them, so they don’t. For you this means you need clarity in your intent.
This gets harder depending on what the woman is doing. Arguably somebody walking is considered most difficult. Stand in front of her “Hey! Excuse me!… quick question!” Said with downward intonation and authoritative frame. Friendly, but not permission seeking.
Men tend to stand at angles to each other when they are having conversations to give an even non-threatening vibe. Standing opposite a woman is how woman communicate. Woman-to-woman and woman-to-menn. You want woman-to-man communication, not friendship.
Remember, to ease the pressure on your approach, don’t worry about gimmicky lines. Simple is good, “I liked your look and wanted to say what’s up”
Consistency can pay off in an open. Don’t expect your first opener to work. If it doesn’t work sometimes it’s good practise to keep talking until the set opens. The mentality behind this is you never really know what the perfect amount of doing something is until you have done both extremes of it. You probably know what too little of an approach looks like, but do you know what a completely over the top, rambling approach looks like?
This is how you get better. You go to the extremes and collaborate towards the middle. It’s like scattering points on a graph. Eventually you find the sweet spot that works with your personality.
It’s commonplace now to open with some compliance testing straight off the bat. That could mean walking up and shakings hands, or giving a hi-5 and then immediately testing the waters for a hand hold, a spin or some other form of light physical escalation. I would recommend also getting used to doing this.
When opening groups, whether mixed male and female or not, you need to think that the group IS the girl. So when you open, you need to open the whole group so you don’t look like a creeper. Engage everybody and talk to everybody about what you want to talk about. This will put them at ease.
When it comes to being cockblocked. The massive percentage of the time, it will be from people you know, or people they know. You should have your own friends handled, but her friends you need to handle yourself.
COMMON STICKING POINTS
- Only approaching the girl in the group and friends blowing you out
- Making excuses in your head as to why you don’t open
- Being too meek in your open.
- No audacity or eye contact, or commanding tone.
- Not opening a set with the first attempt, and not knowing how to keep going until it opens.
- Generally giving up too early.
- Feeling afraid to touch, shake hands or hi-5
Hooking is commonly defined as when are girl starts interacting with you in the conversation or showing interest in who you are and why you have approached. When you get over approaching and opening, hooking is a common sticking point.
You know a hook is happening when a girl starts asking you questions, responds with opinions to something you have said, responds very positively to physical escalation eg: touching you back or shows a lot of wide-eyed eye contact.
While it’s generally advised to get the girl talking more than yourself, some guys take this way too far. When you are trying to get a response from a girl all you really have sometimes is what you are saying, so talk about your day, the environment, you’re feelings or anything. Throw it all out there. You’re like a fisherman.
Your mentality needs to be that, anything you say is interesting purely because it’s coming from you.
When you do successfully hook a girl you need to do something as soon as you can, and that is lead her. Common ways of leading are.
- Grabbing her hand and walking to somewhere
- Dancing with her
- Moving her from where she is standing to a position where you display more value
COMMON STICKING POINTS
- Having nothing to say, or feeling like your interests or what you say is boring.
- Being overly nice. Light, controlled controversy or differences of opinions creates emotion AND engagement.
- Asking too many questions in order to open without any basis of why you would be asking
- Not leading or positioning yourself once you have her attention. The classic move being leaning on the bar and having her talk to you. But the idea is to just be in a more comfortable, laid back position than what she is in. She’s engaging you, not the other way round.
Isolation is something that can happen before the hook or after depending on how you open and the attraction you get. In fact after some time you might find that you you can approach, open, isolate and then pull. But to reiterate, let’s assume Solid Game. Let’s assume that you approached, opened, talked a little bit to a group, got the set hooked and engaged, and now we are here.
Isolating a woman is important, and there are a few ways you can go about it. The best way is generally moving her physically by the hands 2–3 metres away from the group with a “Hey guys, let me borrow her for just one second”
There are variations of this. This is how well you will know your open and hook were. If you get any friction from the friends when trying to isolate, it won’t be a sign of the way you tried to isolate, it will be a sign that you still haven’t built trust in the group with your engagement.
The girls attraction to you might also play a part. If you think it’s on, sometimes you can pick her up, walk away and tell her friends she’s yours and they need to take a hike. You’d be surprised at how often that works.
You need to be gauging her during the interaction as well. If she’s giving you shit and is showing no signs of interest, you might want to engage for a bit longer showing you’re a cool guy. Try not to force the isolate.
For the purpose of solid game, go with the “Let me talk to you/her for a second,” take her 2–3 steps from the group so they can see her and move on from there. If the friends like you, they wont care. If they care, review your open and your hook/engagement.
COMMON STICKING POINTS
- Friends objecting to you isolating and you listening
- The girl saying no
- A weak frame or a “Permission boy” mentality, instead of an “Assumed value” mentality.
Comfort doesn’t necessarily come after isolation. Similar to attraction building and compliance, comfort is going to be sprinkled into the entire interaction and the more familiar she gets with you the more comfort there should be.
We want to talk in terms of that extra, targeted, isolation comfort building though. At this point there should already be physical things happening, attraction there and her complying with Hi-5’s, hand holding, and man-to-woman communication.
If you aren’t physical at the point of isolating and building comfort then you are not ready to be in comfort yet. You risk becoming a “friend”
Comfort in my opinion is general chit chat and familiarity building about who you both are. I advise going back to the units on communication and social skills to review how to build rapport with people. You may remember points like, being a good listener, offering sincere compliments where applicable, and talking in terms of the other person’s interests. You may also remember talking about motivations, emotions and character traits as opposed to work, school, or other job interview type questions.
Comfort can happen at the place of meeting, or over the course of various meetings. Comfort is generally the longest stage of all stages.
In comfort you need to be thinking about your standards and boundaries and avoiding putting the girl above you for no logical reason. If you’re mentality is that of seeing how cool she is and whether she’s someone you want in your life, while also respecting her and giving appreciation if she does impress you, but not going overboard into flattery, then you should come across in a way that is attractive.
COMMON STICKING POINTS
- Not having standards or boundaries
- Kissing ass too much
- Having a scarcity mindset and thus allowing things to happen because of that eg: falling in love really quick, putting the girl above you, stressing out over her actions.
- Talking too much about yourself and thus not building a connection
- Trying too hard
THE SPRINKLES OF COMPLIANCE
As mentioned earlier, there is a lot of overlap within these steps, but I have added common sticking points where I feel they needed to be added so you know in a round-about way where you are failing.
Amongst all these you also have your compliance testing happening at every turn. That means, gauging for attraction by escalating and flirting. These things need to be sprinkled in from the open and all the way through comfort. You can’t build comfort if you don’t have attraction, unless you are trying to make friends, which is fine. But just know that, making friends is comfort building, and that’s it.
If you want to be man-to-woman you need to be trying to build attraction and making it man-to-woman throughout the entire interaction. That means, compliance testing, which can be in the form of physical escalation, or the flirting techniques discussed in the last unit.
If you aren’t getting compliance then you need to decide on how much time you are going to spend on the girl. Figure out what you want to do, because in the end it’s all practise, but at the same time you don’t want to beat a dead horse. Remember the 60/40 principle? You can’t win them all.
When a compliance test fails, you need to reel it back, try to engage more, and display your personality and try again. If you are hitting a wall, then maybe move on, introduce her to your friends, or if you want to be a total badass, try and move her into your next open! “Hey, these are my friends!”. Social proof, confidence, boom.. Could be the key that unlocks the chest. Who knows.
Also, while these steps might overlap going forwards, they don’t tend to overlap AS much going backwards. Meaning, if you isolate a girl or get a girl off the dance floor to a table with you, if you find yourself moving back to the dancefloor know that this is considered you going backwards, which you don’t want. Also, if you get compliance or a makeout or a girl jumping you on the opener, don’t take her back to her friends and say “Hey, we should get to know each other,” unless if it’s your objective to build a social circle.
That seems to go without saying, but you’d be surprised how often guys do things like this and I need to remind them to figure out their end goal because it can really kill your value if you look like you aren’t being socially savvy. E.G, A girl is interested in you, you show interest back but then do something out of the blue like wanting to go hang with her buddies, or like a friend of mine the other night; isolating a girl from the dancefloor to an area of the club to make out, then walking her back to the dancefloor to dance, in which case a circle of dudes got her attention and my friend got shouldered out.
Anyway, I’m hoping I didn’t overlook anything there. The purpose of this was, that after everything that you read in the last couple of units, I wanted to sort of show in a high-level view as to where things are happening and how you need to think about moving forward with interactions.
If you have any input let me know. Sometimes I finish off units with the mindset of like “I’m sure there’s something else i forgot to add.”
You’re more than welcome to ask questions and add to this yourself. See you on the next one!