But how can I expect life to be normal? I’m still on a small dose of time-release morphine 24 hours a day, and an anti-depressant (mirtazapine) because it has the side affect of appetite stimulation. I walk around laden with many (shrinking) carcinoma tumors and I go to the cancer center for scans and recommendations and every other week an IV transfusion of an immunological drug that costs $15,000 a pop. (Thank you Brown & Toland and Blue Shield for covering my treatment.) We just started receiving ~$7,500 in total monthly federal and state disability payments that are only taxed if outside income is earned. (More on this in another post.) So yeah, as much as a return to normalcy seemed the obvious goal, I’m definitely not normal now - I’m shocked and bloodied like Miles Teller in the scene from Whiplash in the pic above - and it just hit me I have no idea what was so ideal about my normalcy before.