Musings of an Evil Overlady

Dear Mother,

Greetings from your favourite Evil child. How goes life in your evilly large city? Five million people. Phew! That seems like a lot. Just drop me a line if you need me to send my minions in to do some clean up. I’m sure the gangs are trying to usurp my power by now. If there’s one thing I enjoy on these long, cold nights is watching the smiting of the rebels. They're so fascinatingly entertaining, the way they try to rise up against me, like kittens rising up against a Great Dane. Of course, Great Danes are incredibly passive but also extremely large. Like a horse with big floppy ears. I was going for the comparison to size, and not to temperament. Hmm. Perhaps I should work on my evil similes. But I digress…

Life in my new Evil Empire is flourishing and renovations on my new Evil Lair have commenced. It’s not really a lair, just a big house on top of a big hill so that I may look down upon my kingdom. I told the architect I wanted an Olympic-sized swimming pool, even though I hate swimming. Oh, and a helicopter pad. All Evil Overlords have their own helicopter pad.

I’m still trying to smite a few more smaller governments. You know, make the little guys bend to my will. I’ll give them free health care and 18 months paid maternity leave. They’ll take up my banner in no time. Oh! And I’m legalizing marijuana. That should be fun to watch. Along with the legal drinking age of 19, I should have no problems molding the people to my ideals.

Overall, I am writing to thank you for to the care package you sent me via Evil Courier; the one with the 6-month supply of Taco Bell sauce, a new iPhone to replace the one I put through the Evil Laundry machine (I swear that contraption is diabolical! It keeps eating my socks!), and new filters for my fish tank full of Evil fish. Thank you so much, dear mother, as I would not be able to survive my Evil Overlordom without your love and support. Please continue to send along items as you see fit; they are a pleasant reprieve from all the smiting I do.

Alas, the snows of winter are melting, thus leading to Evil Snow Mold allergies, so I fear I must keep this message short as I have sneezed eleven times whilst writing this. I am running out of Kleenex. I never thought of this until now, as I see both items on my desk, but it’s funny how Windex and Kleenex are unrelated. Just a random Evil thought. Oh well.

Yours Evily

Your Favourite Daughter

Like what you read? Give Rissa Renae a round of applause.

From a quick cheer to a standing ovation, clap to show how much you enjoyed this story.