11 Reasons I like being the Teddy Bear

Being the teddy got me into the friend-zone repeatedly, but it has some pretty awesome perks too. It really does!

But you wouldn’t know that, would you?


1. Space

Everyone makes space. Everyone moves. You need space — you get space.

And when 2 people need space, it takes only 1 to be the gentleman.

2. Shotgun

Default shotgun. For now. Forever. Or the driver’s seat.

But you always get a full seat. No sharing. No pressing for space.

Make way for the king of the front seats.

3. Big car

You always got to get the bigger car.

The small car looks smaller with me in it.

The bigger, the better.

4. Clothes — there’s no XS of it

(see what I did there? XS? Excess? No? K.)

We ain’t got much variety.

And that’s a good thing. You get very few of everything, so you don’t see others wearing the same damn thing.

5. Lazy

We invented lazy.

No one expects the big guy to get up and get shit done.

Besides, no one can dare lift us off our ass.

6. Cushion

We got so much cushion, so much protection. Hurting us is not as easy as you think.

And all we have to do is sit on you! Yup. Thassit!

7. King Size

You want to know what is king size? Watch me, watch me.

A king never has to share his throne. Neither do we.

8. Dance

We got moves.

We shake one part, and the rest of us shakes too.

We know how to make dance look effortless. We truly do.

9. Intimidation

The size comes in handy against the bad guys.

It can be over powering.

It can strike fear.

It can tell you, back off stupid!

And that very size makes the people with you feel protected.

That’s what I call a win -win!

10. Food

Grande caramel latte with whipped cream and caramel sauce to top? No judgement.

An extra helping of cheese on the Mac and cheese? No judgement.

Not eating dinner tonight? No judgement.

Nobody judges us on the food we eat. And we are the ones with the least fuss over food. Anything goes.

11. Hugs

If you haven’t hugged a teddy, right now, do it!

It’ll remind you of your mother’s lap.

Your favorite stuff toy you slept with every night.

It’ll make you forget why you were whining.

And, give you comfort when wine-ing.

Hugs are the best. And big fat happy hugs? Bestestest.


I can come up with more reasons, why I like it, and I have reasons to dislike it also.

The takeaway from this is, love yourself, the way you are, and it doesn’t matter what others may say or think.

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