Screenshot from the movie Shirley Valentine.

The Best way to Walk out the Door.

“Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.” ~ Shannon L. Alder

Something amazing happens when we choose to step gracefully out of a relationship that no longer serves us.

When I say relationship, I mean relationship with anything or anyone: a partner, friend, workplace, city — hell, maybe it’s just that 800 page novel that you somehow feel that you “should” read because it’s a classic but you secretly hate it.

If we walk away carrying a feeling of desperation and don’t let it go, we will fall into the next job, relationship, book, or town out of a feeling of lack or need, rather than having it be an empowered choice.

We will also attract other people and situations that operate out of fear and need.

I know this may sound a little woo woo — but it’s really just about understanding that we have choices in life, and that the harder we work to clarify and understand what we actually want (versus what we think we want), we can then figure out how to get there.

If we enter a relationship based on a fear of being lonely, for instance, that is going to show up time and time again throughout the relationship. Same with if we settle for a job that pays us less than we are worth — maybe it’s not entirely about money, but the gesture, the offering, is the company/client sending us a message about how much they value us.

Of course there are those times that it’s still better to have a crap job than no job — we all have to get by. And so, sometimes, we have to accept the less-than-stellar situation — but the key is to only do it for as long as we absolutely have to, and know not only when to walk away, but how.

If we can walk away gracefully, we carry that gesture of strength and resiliency into our next endeavours, in every aspect of our lives.

Running away out of anger, wanting revenge, even feeling “betrayed” — all of those have the potential to leave us in victim mode. Then we keep moving through our lives out of fear, thereby continuing to find new situations where our victim selves “fit” — places where we’re not valued, where we’re manipulated or abused.

Sometimes getting angry–-really angry–-is exactly what we need to get the fires burning. There is a beauty in its ability to free us. So I’m not saying don’t walk away in anger — sometimes that’s exactly what’s needed.

But holding onto that anger only holds us back in the end. If, after we remove ourselves from the situation, we are still operating out of anger (which is basically just another version of fear), we tend to find others who meet us where we’re at.

Fear attracts fear, and so on.

Taking the high road doesn’t mean “don’t ever be angry” — but the thing is that we generally won’t find our higher pursuit, (the one that serves us), until we’ve resolved the anger for ourselves. This may or may not include forgiveness or reconciliation with the other party.

When we walk away with confidence, it’s this very act of grace that carries us forward to people and places that absolutely will meet us where we’re at — -as calm, clear and shining beings.