The Void

Senseless feelings are causing me a lot of trouble lately . It almost seems as if i am seeking attention and being probably the most boring person i can think of . I have tried fixing this problem in two different ways one is to isolate myself then to reach out to people i knew cares but non of the two helped me out . I won’t say that people didn’t come up with their ideas of cure , they did but it just doesn’t work for me . This is not pain or maybe not even depression , this is just a part of me not moving on . Then again i realized that i have been suffering to get over things almost my entire teenage life and my ways to deal with things that i need to move on from was quite funny . Now i don’t need to move on from anything in particular , i actually have to move on from senseless thoughts , they are not killing me instead they are distracting me from myself self esteem and that’s why i am missing out on moments that i will never have again .
We learn about important substance of life very early without realism in it . Our childhood years were mostly about understanding things , things like friendship , love , value of certain stuffs , sadness and maths ( why not ? ) . but fast forward to teenage years , i mean high school years is when we really start to use up things we learned from our childhood in a more fantasy driven realistic way … I don’t know it seems like a right fit for it . So as teenagers we learn that we can’t always have what we want and at times really have to work hard to get it . Some people say we make the best of friends at this time of our life and i probably did too but for my boring personality , i didn’t fit in with the groups that well , but i still made some friends who will come visit me when i die , that means a lot to me .. Seriously guys , Thanks . As we grow older we lose track of a lot them through the years , some might not even recognize you or think of your existence as “annoyance” . You might say hey that’s not cool , they are being rude . Actually that’s not true , they are not being rude and they have the right to do so because they found better more cooler friends while you stayed the same lame guy you were as a teenager or they don’t even share the lifestyle as yours anymore . Now you might say that’s heartbreaking , yes it can be but you also had it coming and that’s when you learn to move on for real . You see moving on isn’t just getting away from things , it’s also getting away from your old diary .
Passion is an interesting thing in our life and it seems to be an ever-changing trend as well. I had a strong passion for photography at the 3rd quarter of my high school life , it seemed like everything to me but then come a time when i started to lose my love or devotion towards it and gave it up completely , well i still take instagram photos though (wink) . So it is at that moment i realized when we lose love for something the wish to spend time on it doesn’t come from the heart anymore . This is when we make the worst decisions of our life , no i am not saying leaving photography was a mistake but i am saying you can not use this as an analogy in personal life when some other people with human heart is involved . Getting rid of things and getting rid of people shouldn’t be the same and that takes us back to the friends part , don’t ignore the ones who is seeking your attention with good attention , help the one who needs help . My other most interesting passion was gaming and i kinda haven’t played a lot too recently but i know that i still need games to get away from reality for a bit , so don’t worry gamepad .. you will be useful again soon . I have a lot of passion for the subject i am studying right now but… well i think you know me enough .
Now i am in an interesting timeline of my life . Where i can’t wait to go back to studies while i am on vacation and can’t wait to go back to vacation while my semester goes on . Yes , if you have vacation more than two months .. it kinda gets boring and you start thinking about senseless things which some how you end up sharing as a story on medium . I was very optimistic about doing something productive in this vacation but i kinda didn’t do anything name worthy so far , hmmm .
So i found the reason of my senseless thoughts while writing this sorry excuse for a medium story . Our life’s are never perfect , what we learn from our childhood changes drastically when they face reality and in a motionless lazy time like these we tend to go back and forth between the time and the feeling i am having is a jet lag of the timeshifts that has been going on in my mind for no reason what so ever , wow i nailed that analogy .
I am ending with these magic words “ Time don’t change people , people change their priorities and it’s time you change yours too “
