For most people, even though they aren’t doing what they love, are able to cope with the sometimes droll and systematic patterns of the working life. Fewer are actually making a living at a profession they both choose and enjoy. I am currently unable to cope with those droll and systematic patterns of the working life, but have no recourse other than pursuing a job that can at least minimally allow me to feel a modicum of self-worth.
I’m tired. I have had so many jobs, but have never found a job that refutes my own opinion that my professional career has been an absolute failure. I don’t want to sound conceited, but I know I am extremely talented and brilliant. How I haven’t been able to harness that brilliance is a mystery to me, but I know that it’s my fault. I just don’t know how to fix it.
Every day, I apply for jobs waiting for someone to realize how special I can be. It’s hard for me to fathom how people getting paid to evaluate possible job candidates haven’t figured out that I can be a game-changer for a company. That might seem like arrogance, but I know it’s the truth.
Now, I won’t sit here and claim that I haven’t made mistakes (I have made so many), but I always thought that an employer would see me for what I am. What do I see? I see a smart, loyal, creative, moody, sarcastic, fun, objective, and dedicated worker that adds tangible value to whatever job I might be working at the time. I tend to challenge the status quo, sometimes when it isn’t in my personal best interest to do so. I fight for what I think is fair and just, even it doesn’t always help me individually. I speak my mind, even if it isn’t considered my place. And sometimes, I mail it in when I feel completely defeated and helpless.
I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I have made choices and have no problem living with those choices. I own them. I want to bring awareness that not everyone fits neatly into a little box as it pertains to what a person should or should not accept from their career. I applaud those that are satisfied with their work, and marvel at those that have done it their own way.
I’m sure that some will read this, and take a little pleasure in my despair, given the amount of hubris I have displayed throughout the post. And that’s fair. Maybe I deserve the discomfort.
However, I will continue to search for work that inspires me. I want my work to compel me to bring my brilliance to the forefront. I need to tap the potential that only I can see…..for now.