I’m usually a pretty blunt person. I have the empathy of a cucumber. One of the only times I try to be extremely careful with my words is when I provide feedback on an idea.

Getting honest feedback is a scary process for me because I’m forced to make myself vulnerable. My palms get a little sweaty whenever I pitch my startup to entrepreneurs. You’d think I’d be numb to those emotions since I pitch so frequently but I have a feeling the sensation isn’t going to go away. Getting an opinion about your ideas forces you to face reality. Your ideas might sound amazing in your head but they can have severe issues that you — purposely or accidentally — ignored. Getting this feedback can, and should, motivate you to solve the issues and mend the idea. However, incredibly harsh feedback makes the entire idea seem silly and leaves you feeling a complicated mix of idiotic, feeble, and angry. This cocktail of negativity can make giving up seem smarter than pushing forward and excitedly working towards a solution. The reason I’m capable of being empathetic to others receiving feedback is because I’m shockingly aware of this messed up sensation.

Feedback shouldn’t make you feel broken. Feedback should build, not destroy. It’s fine to shoot down an idea but before you do so, invest some time thinking about the opportunities hidden in the idea. What can you say that can help guide the idea into a better direction? Use your feedback as a way to deliver information to the asker. It’s hard. It takes effort and it might seem weird to think critically for an idea that isn’t your own. But if you aren’t up to the challenge, you don’t have the right to destroy the dreams that could be hidden inside the idea.

There are times to tear people down by being rough. Giving feedback requires a different, more intellectually demanding, touch. A lot of people are careful with their niceties during their everyday conversations. I choose to ditch those polite games, but I am careful with my criticisms and, frankly, everyone else should be as well.