How to be a Horrible Person in 4 Easy Steps: Deny, Deflect, Distance, Deride
Why merely acknowledge your mistakes and accept responsibility when there is an easy and repeatable recipe to sidestep all accountability and recourse against your bad self.
First, let’s get in the right mindset. Repeat after me:
I am never wrong. I am never at fault. No one will hold me accountable.
You are always wrong. You’re bad at what you do. Everyone thinks you suck.
Here is How to be a Horrible Person in 4 Easy Steps
You’re wrong. I did not do that. That is fake. I don’t even know what you’re talking about.
This get’s opponents to try and use facts against you to force the reality of what you did. Fortunately, you no longer operate in reality, and their facts are powerless.
Some other person did something worse than what you say I did. How about you prosecute/interview/trash talk that person?
You can use this to extend and destroy your opponent’s logic in two effective ways:
- Find a similar topic that your opponent never approached. Put them on the defensive for being biased hypocrites.
- Find a topic that is so irrelevant to their argument that it is impossible for them to connect any meaningful thoughts. Attack their credibility when they try to make things logical.
I was not aware. That was not part of my area of work. I was not there. That was just kids being kids. Locker-room talk.
Nothing is more satisfyingly horrible than staring your opponent right in the eyes and telling them you have no idea what they’re talking about. Also works when you separate your current self from past actions so entirely that you may as well be talking about a completely different person.
You are a jerk. Everyone knows you’re a jerk. I’ll call you Mr. Jerk. Let’s all call you Mr. Jerk.
Don’t hold back. It’s their fault anyway. Let ’em have it. Be sure to get everyone else saying it too.
Here’s why it works
Dissonance — Reasonable people can’t talk down a horrible person off their horrible ledge. Stick to your atrociously effective approach of Deny, Deflect, Distance, Deride and logical people will have no tools to use against you. Facts and reason are powerless against your plan.
Attrition — There’s only so many times a reasonable person can argue with someone who repeatedly insists the sky is green and that the wise person is Mr. Bigot for not going after that blue grass. Horrible is tiring to deal with.
Humiliation — If the clerk at your favorite coffee shop shouted childish taunts and insults every-time you went to get a latte, you’d probably find another place for you’re morning Joe.
While this approach works frighteningly well, please consider being a decent and reasonable human being instead of a horrible person.
It’s much harder but worth the effort.
About the Author
My name is Richard Kitchen. I work diligently to be a reasonable and compassionate human being. To learn more about me, please visit my LinkedIn page.