Burn that Bridges: Why Some People are Simply not Compatible with You and Your Value

Rey Kamal
Rey Kamal
Jul 24, 2017 · 3 min read
via: www.pinterest.com

When I use the idiom “burn the bridges”, I use it in a way of an act of someone to destroy connection and/or relationship with other people. People tend to be hesitant to burn those bridges, that is to stop connecting with their unnecessary acquaintances. There are countless articles written by professionals stating their advice to never burn any bridges.

I think differently.

Ability to disconnect relationship is as important as building one. Experience have been my best mentor for years. It taught me several things in regards to relationship building both professional and personal.

Everyone has different ideas of how much a particular relationship values to them

Not everyone wants to connect with you. Not everyone likes you and almost certainly, you cannot make everybody on your Facebook friend’s list happy.

I used to conform the general conventionality to build and keep any relationship and always strive for countless good long term relationships, quantity over quality. I too, naively believed that everyone has the same intention on their parts. Unfortunately, that is not the case. We, as human, are only interested in our own interest and well-being. It doesn’t make us bad creatures, only makes us more human.

The realisation of this naivete came very quickly and hit me straight in the face. Long story short, it was the imbalance of affection between two human beings which was responsible to cause me delivering the most gracious “f — off” of the year. And that’s the end of our relationship, and the beginning of this very understanding.

Ever since, I had no issue in burning the bridges, that is disconnecting the relationship I feel unnecessary or underappreciated. Simply by saying “f — off” and the next thing you know it, it’s done. It feels good and certainly deliberating.

Ask yourself why.

Why are you keeping all these relationships when there is an apparent lack of fondness quality underlying each and every one of them?

Equally important when it comes to working environment. If we do not enjoy working with a particular person, say it so. Say it to them right up. If you’re lucky enough to be in the position to make decision to let someone go, then them go. We can never achieve anything meaningful when we are forced to work with someone we simply can’t work with. It easier for the other party to stop putting any effort or time into the joint work and the relationship.

The Dunbar’s Number and 80/20 Rule

A British anthropologist Robin Dunbar suggested in the 90s that there are a limitation in the number of people that one can have a stable social relationship with. He argued that 150 is the number. It means, there can only be 150 people in your life with whom you could have a stable social relationship with. He called it the Dunbar’s Number.

This principle was one of the main feature of a little known of social media platform called Path. Initially, the start-up championed the idea of Dunbar’s Number and limiting the number of friends you have in an account to 150 friends. Now, I believe it is due to the growing pressure to monetize the business, they broke that rule and increase the number to 500.

Start cherishing the relationships that matter the most. Remember the 80/20 rule? I say 80% of your livelihood comes from 20% of your contacts. Why bother with the rest?

Now What?

If you are reading this and had no guts to burn the bridges, I urge you to do so now. Unfollow, unshare, unfriend, or delete any means of communication between you and that person. I can safely say that you will find your life easier and happier. Let’s face it, not everyone would like to stay in contact. That unanswered calls without phoning back, the ignored messages, the lack of comradeship, these indicate the very action needed to be taken.

This reminds me of the movie “The Purge”, where on a specified night of the year, there will be no rule and often involved violence. However, I DO NOT suggest nor condone violence in any way. All you need is to “purge” your deteriorated value of contacts…. and burn that bridges.

Rey Kamal

Written by

Rey Kamal

Integrity, Acuity, and Fortitude. Chartered Accountant by trade. @ledgerowl @getduitku

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