I’M NOT FINE

photo by Jerry Smiltneek

We need to learn to be honest and authentic about how we feel. Let’s allow people to ACTUALLY tell us how they are feeling rather than expecting an ‘I’m fine’. Most people are not ‘fine’. They are hurting or struggling inside, including myself.

It was/is amazing to me when many people asked me how I was doing just months after my mother died and expected me to say, “I’m fine”. When I told them I was grieving my mother’s death and struggling with the void of her absence, many said, “Still?”.

Yes, STILL and probably forever. On weekends, still, I cry, pray and miss her terribly and I spend most of my weekend very sad inside. I used to talk with her on weekends many times a day. We shared what we were doing, even little stuff like what we were cooking that day. Yes, we fought, we struggled, we got mad at each other, but I never ever stopped calling her. For that, I feel solace. I will forever wish just one more conversation with her, one more hug, one more visit, one more argument, one more…..anything.

Am I psychologically unstable? NO.

Am I a human being who loved and still loves my mother and people who are dear to me? YES.

This is the price we pay for loving deeply. 
We grieve and grieve and the deep and hard grief transforms us into a more empathic, authentic, safe and strong human being.

Expressing our true feelings does not mean we are emotionally or psychologically unstable or mentally ill. It means we are human.

If we deny grief in favor of being ‘fine’, we suppress our vital life force and become ill, depressed, anxious and compensated.

We shut down.

We need to learn how to authentically support one another through our life’s journeys. The expectation of a ‘cover up’ of ‘being fine’ of compensating for how we really feel and denying this is toxic for our mental, emotional and spiritual health. It is also toxic for our community.

The projection we place on public figures who are rich and famous, that they don’t struggle, prevents them from being able to share authentically. They are people just like we are except they carry an externally projected material worth placed on them from society.

I feel this is dangerous for their relationship with themselves.

Our projections overlook their struggles, their personal suffering and how they really FEEL and in some ways can cause them to split off from themselves even more deeply. After all, they are human just like we are.

Money and fame has EXTRINSIC not intrinsic worth.

What I believe we need to normalize and maybe even elevate is the importance of healing our relationship with ourselves by being true to ourselves. This is impossible to do alone. It can only really be done collaboratively in relationship to others which provides safety and assistance to do this authentically. We have always lived in community (till recently). It is part of our instinct as humans. We are supposed to look out for each other. We feel safer when supported. It can even heal us from sickness.

What I believe this also requires is for us to re evaluate is what true worth is. Healthy love, alignment with one’s feeling function, truth, integrity and vulnerability can truly heal our world. Living in alignment with these qualities is where intrinsic worth lies and it grows this inside of us.

Imagine what it would feel like to be in a world where people lived this way. I imagine this every day. It is scary to make changes and live like this but it is necessary and imperative for healing.

Imagine this like I do. Also live it each day, even if in very small ways. You will be surprised how much this can heal what feels impossible to heal, especially in relationship to ourselves. This is truly a spiritual practice.

This is living from the FEMININE PRINCIPLE.

This can truly heal us.