A day in my life

I wake up tired in the morning.
I spend hours and hours thinking.
I replay every mistake I have made
Over and over in my head and always beat myself over it.I can never get it out of my head. It eats me up inside.I constantly fear the worst scenario in every situation.I obsess over everything in my head"Why did I say that or Why did I do that?" .Paranoia creeps in and I think my friends don’t like me.I think about how people look at me or why someone is not texting back and what I did to upset them .It seems silly to others. But for me?It’s real fears.It’s real for me.People would really never guess what I am going through as I try to make my life look happy and positive.I see my friends achieving great things .Happy.It makes my head explode.I can’t help it.
Does it make me a bad person that I envy their lives?I cancel events that I really want to go to.When the day comes my anxiety is intense.I say 'no’.What if I did or said the wrong thing?My friends think I am unreliable and tells me just to get over it but I can’t.I wish they knew how I feel.My mind never seems to shut off.
It’s like I am a prisoner of my thoughts.
The cycle continues.

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