Foolish or Fearless?

I suppose you need to start somewhere. Regardless of the answer to that question, I don’t often find myself choosing a path or making a decision accordingly. Perhaps a question I more frequently resort to is simply what am I fearful of missing out on? A classic case of FOMO for millennials, the mid-life crisis for GenX, or perhaps a yearning for something bigger, more impactful or simply validating for lives that fade into the paradox of chaos and monotony.

What am I here for?

So now I sit and ponder those questions for what must be the hundreth time over the past decade. It’s such an odd synthesis of searching for ultimate purpose while sorting out the rudimentary details that will allow me to create the necessary space in my life to do so. I sit here looking at an AFAR magazine cover that warns/encourages me to “Be Fearless. Travel Now.” and suddenly I’m back to the original question…

Fearless or Foolish? Quitting my job with minimal savings. Leaving a comfortable lifestyle for an indefinite amount of uncomfortabiliy and awkwardness. Assuming the man I love will still find me interesting and be interesting to me when I return. Trusting my dear friends will find space for me in their lives upon my return. Thinking I’ll want to return home.

Again, the answer has not changed the fact that my departure date has been picked and the space between now and February 1st is shrinking almost as quickly as my desire to spend any more time in a career that brings me neither fulfillment nor excitement. I don’t pretend to think it’s possible to love any job every moment of every day. However I do expect that I can find contentment and passion once I grasp or create the bigger picture and purpose I’m working towards.

So a life shift starts with the smallest of steps. The Duolingo app is downloaded for daily Spanish and Italian lessons. The Google Flight tracker is telling me the moment it’s time to buy my one way flight to London. My spending habits are changing from a here-and-now mentality to one of “if you aren’t going to bring it, you don’t need it.” A call is set with my parents to let them know their ever independent and, shall we say, idealistic, daughter is quitting yet another job to pursue something new. Friends have been given the heads up, my roommate is searching for a replacement, and my boyfriend has been given the dates he should plan on joining me across the ocean. Things are in motion and the fusion of angst and fervor is incredibly satisfying.