What to Do When Someone’s Self-Deprecating Comments Become Concerning
Everyone has that friend who constantly makes fun of themselves — but there is a point where it goes too far.
Self-deprecating humor has become trendy over the past few years. TV shows and influencers have popularized degrading their own self-worth, and this trend has thus spread to younger generations. The most common forms of this self-deprecation seems to be under the categories of body-shaming, mental health, and self-worth.
In this sphere, self-deprecating humor involves making jokes about a topic one is insecure about for laughs from other group members. Kids, tweens, teens, and young adults have hopped on the bandwagon.
Although self-deprecation can be funny, it is also a point to relate to others. When someone makes a joke about how they are “trash” they may be portraying beliefs about their low self-value. Alternatively, when someone makes a joke that they are a “princess”, they could be commenting on their privilege.
Oftentimes when items like this pop up in conversation, it elicits a few innocent chuckles, or maybe a response with someone who feels they have that same quality as well. The problem with self-deprecation, particularly in the comedic sphere, is that it provides a space for people to admit to points of contention they have with themselves without seeking real help. If someone Person A jokes about how they are often called rude, it is unlikely for Person B or Person C to respond, “Yeah, Person A, I agree. You are pretty rude”.
Due to the nature of self-deprecating humor, it is important to discuss these topics with peers that may be struggling. While there is never a great way to do this, it is crucial to take this step, especially when mental health is at risk.
For example, a common point of self-deprecation is sadness or depression. In different social situations, someone may joke about how depressed they are, or perhaps that they have been anxious about a certain topic — and that will likely be brushed under the rug once the next conversation point arises.
A positive way to address this type of situation is not in that exact moment, but not too far after either. Perhaps waiting for a few days to pass before reaching out would help too. Ideally, bringing up the topic of interest smoothly into another discussion would work. If the discussion is just the two of you, then bring it up the next time they make that type of comment. The situation will likely be awkward, but forcing them to come to terms with a part of themselves that obviously bothers them will do more good than harm.
It is more likely than not that if they are repeatedly making self-deprecating comments, even if it is in a joking context, they are having trouble grappling with the reality of a problem they face. Just make sure that if you are helping them bring an issue to the surface, that you are there to support them in resolving it too.
