You Only Live Once, Really?


I thought no longer being a teenager would change me.

I thought twenty-ager people are amazing. They stand for themselves, doing things by themselves, free to go wherever they like. The most important is, they know what they want. Hey, they are adult, they can do things children can’t do, right?

But now i know the world isn’t like what i pictured. I see people around me still confused and lost. Including me.

I grew up in an ordinary household. Although i was born and live in a city, both my parents came from countryside. My parents might be not the best one in the world, but I am grateful enough i am still living with them at this minute. We have a roof, enough meals, enough clothes, education — and so many things they have been providing me that can’t be said.

I am not a extrovert who has millions greetings whenever i took a step. I love my small-circle-of-yet-so-understanding friends. Sometimes i wonder how could they keep up with me who is often lose interest on being visible. They help me to understand how the world works.

And that’s what i am going to talk about.

I regret so many things. Why didn’t i take my study seriously? Why should i follow my parent’s idea to take this major? Why didn’t i take a piano lesson, or taekwondo, or dancing on my primary school? Why didn’t i brave enough to take part of a festival on my kindergarten time? —at that time i cried instead, i was afraid because audience was laughing. Yes i still remember it. That was long long time ago, but now i know it was the beginning.

I was so naive. I wanted to be the best child in the world for my parents, by always listening to their advices all the times. But now i know, i won’t always live with them forever, i should do things by and for myself. Maybe i realised it a little bit too late.

I am — this is me now. I don’t want to be me anymore, but how?

So many regrets screaming, want to get out of my head.

I can’t change the past, but i can change tomorrow for sure.

I want to fly away as far as i can. I want to reach my dreams. I will look for the real me. Meet new people. Seek for bigger world. Things that grounded me, i want to break them.

You only live once.

I’m not sure about reincarnation. I think it is just a fairytale. But we human do love daydreaming, no? It is okay to picture how your next life would be. You shouldn’t be afraid. Because, who will stand for you other than yourself?