I wouldn’t trust allies that agreed to those terms. I wouldn’t treat my allies like that. Would you?
Mental health is often described as a fine line between selfishness and generosity. You’re recommending something unhealthy for all concerned.
If you told me that not every attack on my family/group/tribal affiliation/people was not an attack on me, I would laugh at you. If they are my people? And you are attacking them? Then you are attacking me. And even if you try to disclaim, not you Grrrrrobert, just your people, then you’re still attacking my people. That includes me, just because you say you are leaving me out, doesn’t mean I have to or even could morally accept that. Racial or group solidarity as a concept is not taken into account in your suggestions. And attack was your choice of words, maybe you shouldn’t be attacking anyone?
What you seem to be asking of white women here is to accept on the one hand that ALL white women are responsible for the paradigm of systemic racism, and that is why it’s justified that they just “take the butthurt” and accept being attacked and lose for awhile. But on the other hand, that they also accept that “Not every attack on white women is an attack on them” so then they can just opt out of their whiteness?
There’s a whiteness that they MUST belong to, but then they can opt out, when you feel it’s necessary.
See how that doesn’t really make a lot of sense? The type of whiteness you are using as a social justice lever? It sticks. They are supposed to accept that it does mean them, and that they are the problem even if they don’t know it.* That’s why white people react that way when you say things, “To fix the system we must attack white people because they need to lose for awhile.” if your allies feel they are losing, then they aren’t allies, they are penitents. And they won’t stick around. Plus no one needs to be “attacked” and frankly if you can’t find a win/win scenario yet, then maybe hit the drawing board before you hit publish. No one needs to be attacked. No one should sit and watch others be attacked and do nothing. No one needs to lose. This is one of the many problems with this kind of dialogue. Why is it always zero sum? Who taught you all to think like that?
*I don’t actually think that’s the case. That’s an argument for a different day. But this is how that characterization of whiteness works.