Reposting a slightly edited response I provided on Quorum to someone in August of 2014.

I am so sorry for your loss. No grief compares to the loss of a child.

We lost our only daughter, who at the time was 18 months, in September 2004. While with her grandfather, taking a walk, she pulled away from him to run across the street to see a dog she was familiar with. The car that hit her never saw her, as she’d run out into the street from behind a parked car. Needless to say, our world stopped at that moment. The entire family and our network of friends were devastated. We made it through the funeral and burial. And then the nightmare became reality with the realization that our daughter was really gone. Forever. As you know, once the ritual of the funeral and burial was over, other lives continued. But not ours. Stuck in the most painful grief and pain, we were barely able to get out of bed.

Sorry for so much background. I want you to know I truly understand your grief and pain.

If you are wondering if there is hope for a new normal, I would say yes. Your life will never go back to what it was, but you can choose to try to find a “new normal” where you can be happy.

Our pain, and grief, and despair knew no boundaries, but we made a choice, and decided to try to go through the grieving process. My wife and I went to counseling (individual and as a couple). Our counselors had also lost children, and they, more than anything else, gave us hope that we could find a way back to our “new normal”.

We have also been blessed with 3 other children, and while I would never wish our experience on anyone, having been through this has made me a better parent, husband and friend. I still think of my daughter every day, and would give anything to have her back. At the same time, losing her has given me perspective and balance. We are trying to use this experience to make us better parents. Every day.

I would urge you to try to find counseling that specializes in this type of loss, and to have hope that you can find your new normal. We are supporters of Kara Grief foundation (Compassionate Support for Grief and End-of-Life). We are indebted to them for helping us find our way through the grieving process.