Lessons On Creating Possibilities
In life we have the opportunity to create possibilities for being. We can choose how we live life.
Life is a challenging thing that takes us through so many ups and downs. But if we can realize a possibility for ourselves and for our life, we can do amazing things.
This weekend was about transformation for me. I attended a self-development seminar called the Landmark Forum and it was a somewhat life altering experience. In the forum I was able to experience breakthroughs in my relationship with my parents, my girlfriend, and myself.
For years I’ve been very inauthentic in my relationship with my parents. I’m really bad about not calling them and when I do, I’m usually looking for the first chance to get off of the phone. I usually show very little interest in them and what they want to talk about.
Subconsciously I was making them pay for the mistakes they made with me when I was a kid. What I failed to remember is how young my parents were when they had me. They were far younger than I am today and were just trying to figure it out. I can only imagine what kind of parent I may have been at 19.
In my breakthrough, I was able to create the possibility of having a healthy and loving relationship with my parents — one where I’m not checking out, but all in and authentic. Having real conversations where I am being totally myself and sharing my life with them.
When it comes to my romantic relationships, I have the tendency to check out early. To avoid conflict, I often pretend like everything is all right when in fact it’s not. I check out early and let the relationship die a slow death. It’s how my fear of commitment manifests.
I realized that I had been doing this in my current relationship, and the breakthrough I had in this area allowed me to make a change. I created the possibility of being all in and joyful in my relationship. I choose to be with my girlfriend because I choose it. And I get to choose her everyday. I have an amazing woman in my life, and I all most lost her by allowing a fear of commitment to derail it.
A breakthrough that I realized for myself is learning that I am not my past and what happened to me. My experiences are my experiences and what happened is what happened. It does not define me. But if I keep living in it and creating stories around it, there is no way I can live for today. I choose to be authentic and allow people to see the real me. I’m no longer worried about trying to look good. I just want to be real.
All we have is today. Yesterday is old news and tomorrow is not promised. We have to live for today and create new possibilities for being. Doing so means leaving the past where it is and not focusing time and energy on the future. Live for today and the future will take care of itself.
I realized that I had been holding on to things that happened to me in the past and allowing those experiences to impact the present. As we experience life, it’s easy for us to create a story around it.
What happens to us is a real thing and in many cases it sucks beyond measure. Unfortunately, some us have some really traumatic things happen to us. But where we find strength is in not allowing what happened to keep happening to us over and over again. When we hold on to those past experiences and create stories around it and never move on from it, we are essentially allowing that experience to perpetually happen. It’s when we can see it as something that just happened and move on that we are able to experience breakthroughs in our life. And it’s those breakthroughs that create new possibilities for us.