How To Relieve Yourself As An Astronaut In Space Without Creating A Diarrhea Snow-Globe

Hello space-traveler! Welcome to restroom A002 on the main level aboard the ISS! You’ll soon find that the restrooms on earth are quite different then the ones found on the space shuttle. That’s why it’s important to review this manual before using the bathroom or you’ll run the risk of trapping us all in a diarrhea snow-globe of your own waste.

While you’re probably more familiar with the standard procedure of relieving yourself that you learned as a child on earth, zero gravity presents new challenges that you’ll need to consider as your bathroom equivalency returns to that of a child in space. After the flight deck crew experienced a few too many unsuccessful bathroom trips, we decided to put together a helpful guide to ensure your waste goes swirling down the drain and not swirling all around the shuttle cabin where people are eating and conducting sterile experiments.

You’ll notice a long hose hooked up to the side of the right wall. When switched on, this hose vacuums urine directly from the source with no gap — I repeat — NO gap whatsoever between the source and tube. Once vacuumed, again, with absolutely no gap, the liquid is then processed into clean drinking water and distributed throughout the shuttle instead of floating upward and forming a giant yellow piss…