How to Improve Your Relationship with Your Boss: It Starts with You
By Robert J. Flower, Ph.D.
If you’re thinking of leaving your job because of differences with your boss, you’re far from alone; employee satisfaction research shows that when workers quit, they cite bad bosses and poor leadership even more often than they do low pay.
But even if you’re feeling underappreciated at work, blaming those feelings on a “bad boss” may be an oversimplification, cautions Dr. Robert J. Flower, organizational systems expert and author of numerous books on achieving potential and finding purpose.
“What many of us first perceive as simply a ‘bad boss,’ may actually be little bit more complex. In fact, in the majority of cases, what we’ve really have is a poor comprehensive employee-boss relationship,” Dr. Flower says.
While clashing personalities certainly account for some portion of workplace discord, the bigger problem is often of the employee’s own making, he says. “Employees often see their job as simply a means to an end. They are working to earn a living,” says Dr. Flower.
“Certainly the paycheck is one of the most important reasons most people work at all. But if that’s the only reason you’re getting out of bed each day, that will really limit your workplace satisfaction — and that’s something that’s going to become evident in your performance.” That, in turn, will affect your relationship with your boss, he says.
Here’s Dr. Flower’s advice for improving the employee-boss relationship.
Look at the big picture. How does the specific work that you do every day benefit not just you, but your boss, your company or your world? “To feel pride and satisfaction in our work, we need that work to be meaningful,” Dr. Flower says.
“Recognizing that you’re contributing to a greater goal will not only give you more enjoyable workdays, it will make you a better employee — and that will likely improve your relationship even with a difficult boss.”
Put yourself in your boss’s shoes. You’ve been hired not just to perform a series of tasks, but to advance the goals of your employer. If the discord between you is an impediment to those goals, demonstrate that in a constructive way. “Show hard numbers. Make an objective case for why his or her behavior is affecting the bottom line,” Dr. Flower says.
Then, ask for feedback — and offer solutions. “Say, ‘I recognize that when we have a conflict, it may be because my performance doesn’t match your expectations. Let’s sit down together and try to bring those into alignment.’ The boss may not even be aware of the bad spirit being generated,” Dr. Flower says.
Manage your own expectations. Not every day at the office will be rosy — so be realistic, Dr. Flower advises. You should go to work with the understanding that negative situations can and will arise from time to time — and be prepared to manage those conflicts with maturity and diplomacy.
“Just building the possibility for conflict into your expectations for a normal workday will make you more aware and better equipped to handle it,” Dr. Flower says.
Dr. Robert Flower founded The Gilchrist Institute for the Achievement Sciences in 1982, a nonprofit Human Potential Research and Development think tank located in Bronxville, NY.
Robert J. Flower, Ph.D., Director, The Gilchrist Institute for the Achievement Sciences | Bronxville, NY (914) 779.6299 Email: admin@gilchristforum.com
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