8 Haikus About Exercising at the Gym

An Ode to the Almighty Workout Sesh

First workout in weeks.

This calls for celebration —

Mint chocolate chip.

I can’t hear my Fresh

Air podcast. Single Ladies

Is blaring too loud.

The elliptical:

Where I weigh metaphysics

And watch The Goldbergs.

Those bro-curl grunts are

Sounding more sexual. I’m…


Carefully curate

Today’s Spotify playlist.

Stream “Jock Jams” instead.

Just finished first set.

“Mind if I work in?” The words

Sting me like acid.

Is it possible

To “crush it” on a chest press

machine? I hope so.

Look around, check that

No one is watching. Quickly

Flex in the mirror.