Why Pope Francis May Signal End Of The Catholic Church

By Robert Mukondiwa

Could Pope Francis signal the end of the Catholic Church? (pic Diario De Noticias)

I am now seriously rethinking my commitment to the Catholic Church and may be withdrawing from it after my deliberations with close family and intimate friends.

Ok, so if ever there are loyal people in the world of religion, they have to be the Catholics. We are a very forgiving and tolerant group of loyal worshipers who endure ridicule almost every day of their lives we take it in our stride always.

People have joked about Catholicism with extreme lingual impunity, throwing every horrible word at the Catholics just for larks but Catholics, like the great ole bunch that we are, have stayed the course and pretended that sticks and stones would break our bones but words definitely would not.

To be fair and honest, words have actually hurt us and our stoicism means people keep hunting for fresh hurtful superlatives to get at us assuming that we indeed feel no pain. But for us our church’s unity comes at the very fore in spite of our internal problems we have stayed united. Perhaps until now.

Let’s face it, people have had credible reasons to have a go at us and our chequered history bears testament to the fact that yeah; perhaps we have deserved those jibes as we have confronted landmines in our social fabric as we journey to eternity.

I have accepted the Church’s stance on the role of women in the church and have been called a misogynist while I was at it but thought ‘who am I to question God’s doctrine through his shepherds?’.

I have been confused on our stance on gay marriage and same sex relations. Are we allowed to have a spearing hot and steamy session with two sausages like two medieval lancers with futuristic sexual skills, appetites and doctrine? Is it okay for two girls to ‘unite’ their underwater plants and play rub-the-juicy fruit?

If the doctrine is to ‘leave no man or woman behind’ in our quest for eternal life is it OK for us to have gays in the church? I have pretended to understand the official version but I must admit it is as easy to decipher as a Sarah Palin speech at the Council for Foreign Relations or Donald Trump on the sidelines of a gay pride parade.

I have stood by the church in the face of accusations of abuse of little boys by our ‘Holy Fathers’ and sex scandals galore and I have been loyal in spite of the effort that took me.

Many have hoped that we would emerge from these scandals tattered and torn and asunder but we have grown even stronger. Even the death of John Paul the second, the beloved man known as ‘God’s Athlete’ was thought to perhaps be the swansong as the beloved unifier left the stage. But we made-do with Benedict, whom we all pretended we totally loved; guarding him jealousy as people peddled Nazi stories about him and just fell short of saying he was a card carrying member of president Robert Mugabe’s Zanu PF as the chief electoral strategist as it seemed everyone was trying to fashion a weapon against him.

And lo and behold the church survived- until now.

Yes. Now the Church and the Pope, although I love Francis a helluva lot, has now gone one step too far. This may be the Waterloo of the church no doubt and the foundations of the Holy Catholic Church are shaking like they have never shaken before and the lovable Francis may have succeeded to do with one pronouncement, what the devil and Martin Luther and The Calvinists and Fidel Castro and Mao have failed to do for thousands of years-break the church apart.

You see for the beloved Pope Francis to openly endorse Lionel Messi as his best footballer of all time ahead of Cristiano Ronaldo and heap him with love is sacreligious to the (unofficial) Holy sacrament that is football worship! How could he?

I have packed my bags and am certainly sure I have had my last Holy Communion, waking up to the news on a Monday. Now after due diligence I have come to the sad realisation that Pope Francis indeed uttered those unutterable words; “For me Messi,” Francis told reporter sin Poland when asked who was his ‘greatest’.

And barring him retreating and offering a heartfelt apology I may have to rethink my relationship with the Holy Catholic Church. May God the Father guide me in my soul searching.

The taxpayer and the fraud…who’s the greatest? (pic Ooyuz.com)

BUT! There still is hope, Pope Francis was asked who was the best amongst Maradona, Lionel ‘the tax fraud’ Messi and Pele. Now, because Cristiano was not in the pot, we can assume the Pope was working with what was put before him. Perhaps he still reserves the top spot for CR7.

But if he indeed assumes Messi is ahead of even Cristiano then that means goodbye to the church. In which case may the last person to leave the Vatican please turn off the lights…or blow out the candle!

Robert Mukondiwa is a Zimbabwean angel….