The Culture War
The War of the Ages
We all need role models. We benefit immensely from the input of someone older and/or more experienced than us. In fact, according to the Durham University web page:
“The benefits of mentoring are widespread, from offering professional development to improving communication and developing professional relationships.”
There are many people that we end up looking up to as we grow up, most notably our own parents. However, how many people in our lives can we truly say have been “good” role models? Are you one?
Divorce:
There is nothing better than to have in one’s life a close relationship with one’s parents. But what happens to those who do not have them around?Though it only happens in about 50% of cases in North America, divorce is a typical malaise of our modern day society, and for many good reasons. The most obvious reason for why it happens among celebrities is because couples are often separated for long periods of time as one member or potentially even both members pursue personal career responsibilities apart from each other.
That was the case for Jennifer Aniston, who in 2005 had been married to Brad Pitt for about 5 years. Whilst her husband was on set with Angelina Jolie in the making of their spy film, Mr and Mrs Smith, as sparks started flying, romantic interest was kindled. This led to her losing Brad, to having a broken heart and, of course, a divorce. Now, 11 years later, Angelina is filing for divorce herself with her husband due to reported “irreconcilable differences”, and Brad is reportedly “devastated” as well.
Divorce is a malaise for another good reason. It not only affects the couple getting divorced, but when you contrast them to those children whose biological parents are still married, it also has a short term as well as a long term effect on any children that they may have.
How are they affected?
Their physical and emotional health is seriously affected, with the incidence of attempted suicide doubling among them in adulthood. They will also invariably be four times more inclined to have problems relating to their peers, becoming more aggressive toward others. Moreover, they are twice as likely to become high school dropouts, and since they are more prone to aggression and other behavioural issues, they are more likely to not succeed in the world of work, and some may even become delinquents and get thrown in jail. In fact, “seventy percent of long-term prison inmates grew up in broken homes. (Horn, Bush, -Fathers, Marriage and Welfare Reform-)”.
If you’re interested in finding out more about the effect of divorce on children, you can read about it here:
So, with regard to Angelina Jolie’s decision to file for divorce, a source of the US Weekly explained that she “did try to make it work, but her kids come first, and she couldn’t let them see Mommy and Daddy like this.” And because “The fighting got worse, and they disagreed a lot about parenting and a lot of things,” she decided to file for a divorce. But was that necessary or even wise?
We all know that it is much easier to give up than to keep on slugging it out perhaps with some help from a mediator or a family systems therapist, but we’re often too proud to admit to having a problem, let alone to getting the actual professional help. After all the media would have a field day, wouldn’t they? Well, they are anyhow, whichever way you look at it!
So, with that in mind,wouldn’t it have been better for the sake of the kids to not have given up so easily? Better yet, wouldn’t it have been better to not have gotten involved with each other in the first place, since they ruined Brad’s first marriage in the process? So what kind of role models were they? When the going gets tough, quit!
Oh, but what if she had chosen to behave like the character that Channing Tatum played in The Vow did:
Soul mates or unhealthy Soul ties?
What we all look for is to love and to be loved. We look for soul mates; for that special someone that we truly connect with, and who understands us and make us feel complete in the deepest and most intimate part of us. But how many of us can truly say that we have found such an individual just like the protagonists did in the film: The Notebook?
With about 50% of marriages in the United States of America crumbling and since “one in three marriages in England and Wales is now not the first time for at least one of the partners”, according to Gaby Hinsliff of The Guardian, the pain experienced by those undergoing divorce is culturally pervasive. However, I contend that all of the above problems could be avoided, for the most part, if we were not approaching the quest as if it were literally a game.
Seriously, though, why do we play games with one another? Why all the proliferation of coaches on YouTube advising on how to…?
Why don’t we just relax with one another, and not try so hard to impress with chat up lines? And why does there have to be any seduction anyhow? Moreover, why the hostility or the cold shoulder in return ?Why can’t one be honest, just like the character that Ryan Gosling played in The Notebook did when he first started to woo the character played by Rachel McAdams, and say something like,
“Hi. I find you interesting, and for this reason I would like to get to know you. My name is… and you are?””
In fact, the whole nightclub or bar scene that the above lady in the Youtube video talked about, is totally awkward and counter-productive to begin with, for it goes against what we are really looking for anyhow, namely soul mates. People’s attitudes and motivations there are to “pick someone up” because they are motivated by lust. It is not about intimacy and connecting with someone, but about scoring another notch on one’s belt of sexual conquests or a pitiful attempt for someone to feel noticed and valued.
Relate produced the following statistics which indicate how busy we in the UK tend to be in between the sheets (and elsewhere).According to The Independent:
Relate’s 2014 The Way We Are Now report found that 31% of men and 21% of women had slept with more than ten people in their lifetime. Perhaps due to more liberal attitudes and number of years sexually active, the number of sexual partners people reported over a lifetime peaked among those aged 35–44 years, with over a fifth of this age group reporting 20 or more sexual partners. In contrast, just 9% of people aged 65+ reported having 20 or more sexual partners during their lifetime. This no doubt goes hand in hand with the way society is changing. A few decades ago, many hotels would only take bookings from married couples and sex before marriage was frowned upon. Nowadays, cohabiting is very much a part of our social fabric and casual dating with multiple partners is increasingly common.
So, here’s what potentially happens. They connect with each other because they (both) play the game well. They hook up for the night, and if they part company the following morning without intending to meet up again - (perhaps only for one of them), then they will have to start the whole process again on the following night out. But maybe they really liked each other, and they even start seeing each other for a while, but invariably it becomes stale or they find out that they are not all that compatible after all or right for each other, and/or they had a huge fight and so they break up with some measure of pain, betrayal and consequential anger. This could potentially happen over and over again. Some of course do make it, thankfully! They bond sexually and break up and/or move on to pastures green, leaving a trail of pain and resentment in their wake.
Here’s where the problem lies. We’re not made to have multiple partners. We are meant to be monogamous by nature; to find that one soul mate. We hate infidelity when we’re in love with someone, but we’ve turned an awesome act that is designed to bring two people closer to one another, and we’ve cheapened its meaning by turning it into some kind of a hobby. Oh yes, its fun and potentially highly enjoyable, like hobbies generally are, but that’s not the point. It’s supposed to be love making, but when it’s lust that is motivating the activity or if we’re treating it as if it were no different than a pain numbing or void filling drug, then in the long-term the outcome will invariably be emotionally crippling for us and potentially even physically fatal for those contracting STDs. Not failing to mention the unwanted pregnancies and ensuing social, emotional and psychological consequences of raising an otherwise unwanted child as a single parent or of having a consequential abortion! Both having a crippling affect on our souls, which could have been avoided if they didn’t have sex to begin with!
You see, we humans are more than just bodies. In fact, fundamentally, we’re actually spirits with souls in bodies. Our spirits are the immaterial part of us that enable us to connect with the spiritual realm, with the realm that we cannot see but is nevertheless all around us, and more specifically with God. Our souls are that immaterial part of us which enable us to think or reason (mind/intellect), to feel (emotions) and make decisions (wills). It is in essence our personalities. The two immaterial parts together make up the real us.
Yes, we really are spiritual beings who have bodies to reside in, and which we need in order to be able to express or reveal to others our personalities. Remember, what we are all really looking for are soul mates who complete us in those deepest parts of us. However, in reality what it literally looks like is what the chorus of the song Every Time You Go Away says:
“Every time you go away you take a piece of me with you” by Paul Young; written by Daryl Hall
You see, every single time each one of those people walked away from each one of those sexual encounters without maintaining the relationship, if there ever was one to begin with, be it through divorce or separation or even a familial fight that caused a huge rift between them, they took away a piece of the other person with them. This has tremendous implications because…
What we are talking about here is a society full of damaged, fragmented people!
Let’s think of it in terms of contracting STDs. If you consider the above statistics, what you begin to realise is that they reveal something potentially really dangerous, with respect to the amount of people that could potentially be affected. We know, however, that most people nowadays tend to be more careful to practice “safe” sex, by slapping on a condom. But what I am talking about here is not merely the possible physical ramifications of having multiple partners.
You see, what we really need to do is look at this whole issue holistically. When we engage in sexual activity with someone else, we’re not merely joining two bodies, we’re uniting two souls and spirits as well. Remember that is who we really are! In the end, what it results in is a negative soul tie; a soul destroying outcome which is filled with spiritual darkness.
It is like the tearing apart of plywood. You cannot do that without doing irreparable damage to it. How is this significant?
Plywood
A type of strong thin wooden board consisting of two or more layers glued and pressed together with the direction of the grain alternating. (Oxford Dictionary)
I am talking about the emotional, psychological consequences of the actions we choose to make in this area as well as the spiritual ramifications for doing the above, which no condom can protect us from.
Why do I say this? What’s all the fuss about soul ties anyway?
Definition of tie:
Something that serves as a connecting link: as
a : a moral or legal obligation to someone or something typically constituting a restraining power, influence, or duty
b : a bond of kinship or affection (as in marriage or by blood) (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
Like good, useful plywood, two souls could be tied together — joined or glued together — in a positive sense as in a healthy marriage or family , but it could also be negative, as in the case of damaged plywood. This happens when the two or more glued layers of wood have been ripped apart from one another.
In practical terms, this is like when someone is being controlled by another; when someone is unable to use his or her own will in making a decision. The person feels obliged to do something which they know to not be wise because of the one controlling or influencing him or her. Each person is being tied or restrained by the other person, and he or she cannot move away even though he or she may even wish to do so.
However, the other person or people are not even around to do any of this influencing or controlling. They have been long gone from the relationship, if there ever was one to begin with, but this restraint is emotional or psychological in nature, and more importantly it is fundamentally a spiritual problem. Remember, we humans are spirits with souls, who, as immaterial beings, need bodies to be able to live in a material world.
Let me first address the emotional and psychological restraints. This is what often happens (not always):
You are raised in a broken home. Perhaps your parents were divorced, as was the case in my own family where my mother got divorced twice. Your parents were themselves raised in broken homes and so it went for many prior generations, with a variety of different issues plaguing each generation.
Soul ties (either good or bad) are passed down from generation to generation, and depending on the level of pain that is experienced it produces its causative repercussions.
In each generation the parents had children who inherited from their parents their iniquities. Hurting people hurt people. They mistreat one another and you as parents, and there may even be abuse, and perhaps it is all shoved under the carpet, and the issues are not addressed.
You grow up and you emulate what you were taught at home; what your parents modelled. After all you are a product of your upbringing. Like father like son.
You leave home and you want to be in a relationship and start your own family. You have a whole plethora of failed relationships.
After each relationship for all terms and purposes has died, you can’t stop yourself from thinking about the person. You don’t want that relationship to be over and you will do about anything to keep the relationship going, but invariably you are forced to move on.
After a long period of time has elapsed, you still pine after the person. You still feel emotional pain and even depression.
The relationship has been over for a while, but when you meet up with the person or talk to them, you are nevertheless drawn back to him or her or you are drawn to others who are in many ways similar to him or her, and you invariably repeat what you did in the past.
Perhaps along the way you get married and have children, but your relationship is far from perfect, and…
Examples abound of broken families, but one that springs to mind is exemplified by the film Fireflies in the Garden:
Anyway, with regard to divorce and soul ties, Gaby Hinsliff of The Guardian puts it this way:
“The thing nobody ever tells you about divorce, a friend said recently, is that however far you walk away, the other person is never quite out of your life…
Eleven years clearly isn’t long enough, judging by the case of Jennifer Aniston. Hers was the face that launched a thousand social media memes when news broke this week that her ex-husband Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were divorcing… It doesn’t matter how often Aniston swears that they both moved on aeons ago, that she and Pitt now “wish only wonderful things for each other”, that she’s not at all having the last laugh at his expense. She’s a first wife, so there are basically two roles available to her in any public story: vengeful harpy dying to get her own back, or tragic abandoned creature sobbing into her pillow...
There will be dilemmas ahead for baby boomers, who have divorced far more often than previous generations, as they grow older and more frail. But however much some wish for it, there’s no turning back the clock to an age when such questions didn’t arise. Just as we now accept that parenthood can’t end with divorce, it may be wisest to accept that some faint echoes of the marital bond will endure; that if you want to be on friendly terms with an ex, then friendship has its own rules and responsibilities. Marriage is no longer always for life. But for better or for worse, and even until death do us part, the person you married just might be.”
How can this be possible? Who or what is really doing the controlling or influencing?
Yes, a marriage is supposed to be for life, but invariably half of us fail to live up to that ideal. We fail because we do not live out the spiritual or moral laws that have been put in place for our own good. Just as there are physical laws like the law of gravity which govern the physical universe in which we’re living in, and which we best not disregard to our peril, so there are spiritual or moral laws which govern us as spiritual beings, which we should never disregard to our peril. This is the case because God is the author of all that is in existence — the Universe and everything in it including us humans. We did not come to be here by chance and for no reason at all. If you want to know more, you can read about it here:
At this stage, to begin answering the above questions, I am going to quote Gaby Hinsliff of The Guardian again:
A few decades ago, many hotels would only take bookings from married couples and sex before marriage was frowned upon. Nowadays, cohabiting is very much a part of our social fabric and casual dating with multiple partners is increasingly common.
What it all boils down to is what we once considered to be morally wrong behaviour, we now do not. We have gone as far as having the audacity to redefine what marriage is by including same sex unions and making them law. However, as far as God is concerned, by doing all that, we are breaking his moral or spiritual laws which govern us as spiritual beings. We have done this to our peril. God’s judgement and wrath will invariably come down upon us heavily if we do not change our minds and attitudes. It is enough just to look all around us by how much divorce has affected us, which is another thing which God hates. Why? Because it breaks his heart to see all of the pain that we are causing.
You see, we have been created in God’s image, and we have been created for God’s pleasure and to serve him. In the same way, since we have been created in his own image, we likewise create things for our own pleasure and to serve us. It has to do with our identity and purpose. I discuss this issue here:
God will however never control us or force us. He has given us a will which he will never violate. He wants us to freely choose to obey his moral or spiritual laws out of love for him, but there is a rebellious spiritual entity who wishes to be god over every one of our lives, and who therefore does not wish for that to ever happen. He has had a master plan to try and frustrate God, and which he has intended to carry out in fulfilling his objectives: to steal from God what rightfully belongs to him: everything he created and especially us, and to kill and destroy it/us all in the process. I discuss this issue in a four part series beginning with part one here:
It all has to do with the War of the Ages between God and the devil, which has caused this culture war between those who say that sex outside marriage between one man and one woman is the only morally appropriate way to live, and those who don’t agree with that. We humans just happen to be in the middle of it all and very much involved, siding with one camp or the other.
We need to choose who we are going to serve. We will either serve God or the devil. We will either be part of the problem and perpetuate it or the solution and influence others to change, in the hope of making this world a better place. A better world at least for them in any case. The question is, whom will you serve? Will you allow God to influence you and bless you, so that you can in turn be a blessing to others? Or will you allow the devil to influence you and even control you, so as to continue perpetuating the cycle of pain and destruction? The choice is yours.
