So you’re still single! Why?
I guess it’s about high time that I actually blog about something OTHER then politics, horrible drivers or comedic musings, and turn my attention for a couple of blogs to a book that I’ve been reading.
Now, I wouldn’t normally think to do this, because of the fact that more then likely, people have already done this kind of blog to death and those that probably do these book reviews are the kinds that blast through books like a fat man at a buffet table.
Don’t get me wrong, I do like to read. And have 3 books on the go right now (in case you’re wondering…’The World Is Flat’, ‘Driven To Distraction’ and…the one I’m reviewing now…)
The Unhooked Generation by Jillian Straus.
I think I ‘Stumbled On’ this book because of the ‘Stumble’ button I have integrated with my browser. It’s for those times that I’ve surfed the sites I normally go to and want something new and unpredictable to pop up. Cool little add-on if you haven’t already tried it.
OK, enough time wasting….onto a bit about this book.
Summing up the book in one sentence, the author, Jillian Straus captures everything that I think has been wrong with relationships for the last 15–20 years and truly and humorously brings to the forefront that “it really is me and not you.”
Mind you I’m only 1/2 of the way through the book but the first 1/3 or so does an excellent job at laying out the foundation for what she considers are the 7 evils the Gen X-ers are facing which has made this generation the latest to marry, the highest likelihood to divorce and the most ‘unhooked’ cohort of our species.
We’re weak. We’re lazy. We’re wimps. We’re the ones that when the going gets tough, the tough generally is someone else, since we’ve run for the hills. Oh by the way, that only pertains to our emotional state…physically we’re working harder, longer hours and at more stressful jobs then our parents.
But truthfully, I love this woman. She cites as one of the evils as the ‘Hollywood Factor’. And another one is the ‘Unfortunate consequences of feminism.’ A favorite target of hers is my most hated TV show, ‘Sex In The City’…you know…the one with the 4 women that masquerade as empowered woman…yeah, that one.
But I digress…she isn’t some liberated woman or some backwards thinking person who believes that we should all return to the old ways and that men should reign supreme and the XX chromosome is the servant of XY. Far from it. Guys are as equally at fault as the women, since we’re all in this boat together.
She lists 7 evils with dating these days. Two of the 7 evils include the ‘Why Suffer’ mentality and the ‘multiple choice’ problem.
Just to touch on these two really quickly, and then you can decide if you want to run out and grab the book; why suffer? This can be replaced with ‘why settle’, or ‘why compromise’.
I’ve uttered those two phrases MANY times about why I’m single, to my friends and family. With their statements following comments like; “Why can’t you find a nice girl?” and “You’re too picky!”
My brain thinks of it like this: “I will be living with that person for the rest of my life…not anyone else. So if I can’t be happy with them now, or there’s aspects of them I don’t like…I’ll just forego the heartache and the headache of the relationship and not even PURSUE things to begin with.
My thoughts turn back to EVERY ex that has broken up with me because of this attitude and the women I’ve done it to. Not to mention the countless others that I never gave a chance. I figured…there would be another one, a BETTER one, my perfect soul mate out there.
That leads me to the other evil: the multiple choice problem. Dating and relationships are now commodities. Don’t like the one you’re in? Or the one or ONES you’re talking to online don’t strike your fancy because they don’t measure up to your list (oh…that’s ANOTHER EVIL…for another blog.) Just ‘swipe right’ again, and you’ll have a whole new crop of people to look at in the online dating forum.
I was having a conversation with a friend this evening and they mentioned on a couple of occasions, that it literally was that; swipe right.
I was on a date not too long ago and the story my date shared with me, was one of a friend who used Tinder at a condo party, invited said guy UP to the condo, had sex with him in the washroom and the bedroom, right after he got up to the condo party.
One small problem. It wasn’t her condo OR her bedroom she had sex in. It was a mutual friend of hers.
You can pick your jaw up off of the floor, or…whatever…
We’ve taken a human being; a person capable of so many powerful things…from life to death…and turned them into a passing glance and a checklist.
I’m going to probably reread this book and read it again after that…as it slowly opens my eyes up to things. It’s going to take a lot of time and new programming. I’ll admit it, I’m the audience for this book. I want to find that deep lasting, love and stability that comes with a healthy relationship. But I’ve come to realize that I’ve been treating people like a fast food drive through. Which ultimately lends support (IMHO) as to the answer as to why I am still single.