How to survive heartbreak without self-sabotage.
Joanna Marley

I’m impressed. You’re already turning it around and trying to help others by showing how to not self-sabotage yourself after a breakup. It’s a fresh cut though and there’s nothing I or anyone else can say that’s going to make it better. You already realize that no matter how many sappy Pinterest love quotes and cliches you scroll through, P.S. I Love You blog posts you read, friend’s and families’ assurances that you will come out better and stronger, self-help books you pick up and throw down, bottles of wine you open and empty, nights of crying and days of working out like a Navy Seal, it will be a while before those shackles are loosened and you are freed from that cold prison he left you alone in. Put your hand over your heart and feel it beating…know you’re alive and you can feel…whereas that guy over the pond, just like that girl 100 miles away from me over by the beach, they are heartless. I don’t know about your ex, but my ex, well, something seems to have broken inside her. Now she seems more robot than human. Anyone who can just turn and walk away from a love so sincere and true is beyond my understanding. Karma, though…she is particularly ruthless to people like that. I have to say, though, you are doing way better than I did and your post is a lot more positive then the one I had crafted. After my breakup, and 2 weeks had gone by and I had heard nothing from my ex, I spent all night pouring every ounce of my anguish and pain into constructing the most elaborate and piercing narrative of our “almost love” and posting it right to Medium. Then I texted the link to 3 of my closest friends, put on my work-out clothes and started driving to my local rock climbing gym feeling liberated, cathartic even. I didn’t get 2 miles down the road before one of my friends called me right away. I was all in high spirits and was like “so, did you read it? what’d you think?” He just said, “hey, dude, take that down.” I didn’t understand why he’d say such a thing. I mean, after all, I’d just “Jimmy-Neutron’ed” her with that post. I’d shown the world what kind of heartless, soul-less, man-eating person she was…no holds barred. In his most grave and stern, yet compassionate voice, he said, “hey, seriously, as your best friend I’m telling you, turn around, go back to your house and take that post down now or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.” “Why???” I kept asking. I’d worked on it all night. I didn’t understand. “You really wanna know?” “Yeah, please tell me, cause I feel great after posting that.” “Uh-huh. So, she ate you alive didn’t she?” “Yeah.” “She pretty much emasculated you, didn’t she?” “Yeah.” “And you wanna share that with the world? You want everyone to know how this girl just reduced you from a man into a little cry-baby?” Silence…as I slowed my car down, turned around and headed back to my house. I re-read it…and took it down. I’m so thankful that I have such good friends. They got me through that breakup and taught me to never underestimate the bonds of friendship. After all, they are the ones who will still be around helping you clean up the mess after the person you gave the keys to your heart to goes on a rampage through your life. Anyway…good work, Joanna. Thank you.

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