What is true love, really?
We are taught about true love in a whimsical fashion. It’s an ideal that feels good. We read about it -like now- and see it in film. But who do you know that actually has it?
This whimsical way is what confuses us. We think that “one day we’ll find the one.” That we’ll just bump into them on a train and know. Perhaps lightning will strike and we’ll see.
So we become seekers. Ever searching for an ideal. An idea of true love so utterly flawed its no wonder you rarely meet it in real life.
Love is an Inside Job
Now wait, before you waltz off. I’m going to tell you a secret. I did meet “the one”. I will likely at some point tell you a bunch of gushy stuff. But for now I want you to know, it wasn't always so. I didn’t always have true love.
I spent nearly two decades lying to myself. Trying to make the women I loved be something they were not. Desperately seeking to feel that whimsical magic — the ideal.
Oh, this is good…
“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere,
they’re in each other all along..” – Rumi
How then do you find true love inside? WTF does that even mean? I promise it is true. That you can find yourself and by doing so find true love.
The Tornado that Stole my Life
It started LONG before the day I lost my house. No money to move, all the contents left behind. My wife/partner packing our kids in a car and leaving me standing in a driveway — abandon.
It really felt like I had been victim to a natural disaster.
I cried for months. My body ached. I wrote notes to function, to remember simple things like to eat and shower — I was devastated.
An emotional void. No one to touch. No one to hug. Alone in Southern California.
As I write this now the phone rang. On the line, an angel who was there for me from fifteen hundred miles away. She would talk to me and stay with me for 2–3 hours at a time just breathing, listening, holding space -all over the phone.
I sat in a misery where I no longer could go outward to find a feeling. Comfort.
I began to go inward. It was scary. The loneliness, fear, and feelings I didn’t want to begin to explore — lost.
Until I uncovered a peace. The more I focused on it the more it grew.
Can My Life Get Any Better than This?
These kind of questions became (and now are) a critical part of the deliberate weaving of my reality. My life is heaven, I declare it.
And, soon I walk through the world in a strange heaven. As if the world has rose colored glasses. I am in love. Love as a beginning. Love as a choice. Love because EVERYTHING else lacks luster.
In the beginning, happiness, love and feeling calm were fleeting states. A passing moment. Now I notice when I am not feeling blissful and actively seek to feel love. To move the energy that is not aligning me with my bliss. And it’s not longer based in fear it’s just that I cannot live in the lower energy. Bliss feels too good to just have in a moment.
I’m Invited to a Secret Dinner.
No, I mean it. It’s a Friday and the man I’m meeting with says, “I know this is short notice, but I want you to come to a secret dinner tomorrow night.”
I have to tell you… I have daydreamed about meeting the one. That I would see those flashes of light and just know. That we would see each other and fall into each others arms, forever.
Okay, so it didn't happen quite like that…
I meet her in the kitchen. There isn’t a flash of light. I didn’t know she was the one. She didn’t know I was the one. But, there was something… I felt a kind of shimmer inside. I had no context of what it was. Never felt it before.
The owner of the estate ended up giving me this grand tour of the some 25 acre property. Until it was time for dinner. He and I were nearly the last to be seated. And of course I end up sitting next to this girl.
Her first words, “We’re going to be fighting all night” as she wiggles her arm. “I’m a lefty.” I promptly lay down my chopsticks. With calm conviction I say, “I surrender.” Again I pick up the chopsticks, but this time with my left hand.
Later she tells me she was scared by that. She knew what I meant. Yeah, and she was right. I do mean it.
I spent the evening bubbled in conversation with the owner who sat at the head of the table to my left. And she spent it bubbled in conversation with the girl to her right.
And that was it.
Okay, not really. But this next bit you’ll want to see for yourself…