“I for one, welcome our new crustacean overlords.”
In the wise words of H. G. Wells, and popularized by The Simpsons, I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. Or, in this case, crustacean overlords. I have been covering this story over the past several years, warning people of the dangers of the crayfish. But no, everyone thought I was “mentally unstable” and that I was peddling “the worst conspiracy theory ever.” Well, now that the marbled crayfish have taken over, who’s laughing now?
All of this started nine and a half years ago, as a joke in my journalism class. But, as I delved further and further into the stories, I saw an underlying truth. The crayfish truly were taking over the world, and they were being clever about it. The sudden growth in crayfish consumption in China back in the 90s must have sparked something within the crayfish that led to this uprising. Around the same time, the marbled crayfish just suddenly ‘evolved’ from a ‘mutation’. In reality, the crayfish must’ve created the marbled crayfish as the ultimate weapon.
Of course though, if the crayfish created the marbled crayfish to be their weapon, it was to them as the nuclear bombs could’ve been to humans. Ultimately, the marbled crayfish grew out of control and wiped out every other crayfish, leaving it the master of it’s species. Then, it wiped out every other crustacean, after evolving to tolerate salt water back in September, 2020.
Then, in 2024, the marbled crayfish evolved again. It appears it’s fondness for inhabiting power plant cooling canals, which was first observed in Estonia, went nuclear. The crayfish was found in the waters of nuclear powers before then, but no one expected it’s final mutation. Somehow, the marbled crayfish evolved to taste completely revolting. Admittedly, the mutation sounds stupid, but it has led to the single worst devastation in human history.
The marbled crayfish’s final conquest only took three years. In those three years, after it began to taste horrible, nothing would eat it. China had become dependent on the crayfish for food, and suffered mass casualties from the sudden lack of edible food. The crayfish’s population grew even faster, with it’s few predators suddenly being incapable of consuming it. The growing population began consuming things in larger numbers, wiping out entire ecosystems in months.
Now here we are, in 2027, barely scrapping by on whatever food hasn’t already been consumed by the crayfish. With their insane numbers and the global lack of food, it comes to no surprise that there’s been cases reported where the crayfish will swarm communities and consume everything, including the people living inside. If anyone is reading this, stay safe, and avoid the watering holes as much as possible. You’ll never know how many crayfish are teeming beneath the surface, ready to drag in whatever stops for a drink.