Leave Me the *!”$ Alone!!
You know what pisses me off?
A shit load of things…. Mostly people.
Mostly the fact that I feel like I am always “Wrong”.
Or the fact that my mood doesn’t accommodate every special snowflake around me.
Or apparently my face doesn’t look happy enough. WTF?!
Like I can just go get a new face right?!
(Ok, I’ve mentioned before that I have a face that looks perpetually angry, even when I’m not.)
That I am somehow responsible for every fricken thing, yet I’m
not allowed to feel exhausted, upset, sad, mad…or any other litany of shit, I may be experiencing at any given moment.
Am I “only” supposed to be a mom? Or whatever role I’m supposed to fill at that moment?
Is this it?!
Just someone’s version of whatever they “think” I should be?
I have things I would like to do too, and not feel that they’re inconsequential in the grand scheme of life.
There are times when I deeply resent being needed…and then I feel like sh*t because:
- Moms are ALWAYS supposed to love EVERY ASPECT of motherhood.
- Moms should NEVER feel bitter or resentful.
- Moms should ALWAYS put everyone else first, or they don’t deserve to be moms.
- Moms should NEVER have aspirations and lofty dreams that help get them through the day.
Don’t get me wrong. I understand that parenthood is definitely one of the hardest jobs.
There are few breaks, no paid vacation time, only if you’re VERY lucky, (oops, sorry, Iva Ursano ), you may get a sick day where you actually can lay in bed or on the couch, and absolutely nothing is expected of you…
How often does that happen? Realistically?
I’d say zilch, nada…zero.
Sometimes I feel utterly inept in life… and then like an avalanche, I wonder what the hell I’m supposed to do when I feel like I can’t even get through my day doing just the very basic of necessities…and down the rabbit hole I go.
At times I get myself in such a state that my family looks at me like I’m an impostor. Where did I go? And who the hell is this woman?!
Sometimes, just being alone for a few minutes can help immensely. And others? It almost feels like I’ve hit the point of no return.
But I’ve gotten through it before, and Goodness knows if I won’t get through it again… Come hell or high water.
Though I’m sure it seems like hell for those around me when I’m in this “mood”.
All I know is that I have yet more demons to wrestle with, and I hope one day, that this will dissipate and will no longer be the norm for me.
It’s truly exhausting… I inflict this upon myself and those around me, and damned, if there weren’t a special potion to make it all go away!!
Hey! A girl can dream right?!
Thanks for reading .
I truly love this community that “listens” and empathizes, and make me laugh aloud whilst reading…
Much appreciation goes to:
Teresa Colón ,Valerie Sizelove, Shannon Ashley, Erika Sauter, Iva Ursano , Jordan Brown ,Jonathan Greene, KD Murray, Julie Cusimano Wall, Steve Spring, Tony Fahkry , Bebe Nicholson, Christine Graves, Jodi Tandet …and more but the names are eluding me as of now.
You each play a part in why I’ve come to enjoy this community of writers.