Obliterating the ego
Excerpts from my morning pages

Every morning, I write three full pages in my journal by hand. Writers call this practice “the morning pages,” and it’s a powerful way to build a daily writing habit. Because I believe raw words are sometimes the words that most need sharing, I will use Medium to offer up snippets from my morning pages whenever I think they may be helpful. I hope you enjoy them.
“Obliteration of the ego” is the phrase that came to me as I meditated this morning, and I had a vision of splintered stars against black nothingness. Is this what it means? “Eat me, if you wish.” This phrase follows me everywhere. I can feel its truth and I think I saw it today in the vision. I think I am coming closer to finding the words to describe it…
Obliterate. Dissolve. Disintegrate. What a mystery it all is! I can feel my mind (the mind, rather than mine?) changing. I can feel the solidness of my ego resisting, yet it softens and grows transparent the more I gaze upon it gently…
I had a dream last night about bicycles and hidden apartments above restaurants and memories that exist only in dreams. What a strange feeling, to have a separate self within my dreams with her own memories and relationships and experiences. Am I she? Is she me? Are we at all? Or can we never know, as Chuang Tzu suggests, whether we are humans dreaming we are butterflies, or butterflies dreaming we are humans? Does it even matter if we cannot know? Are we even different, in the end?
