This is delightfully hilarious. I’m a regular/avid SoulCycler/spinner and have never heard of a bunch of these terms, but I enjoyed the new vocabulary words.
You have an incredible gift of so accurately describing people/scenarios/places — I’d absolutely buy a book of yours.
Finally, please go back to Soul for round two. My first class is still one of the worst things I’ve ever done. Tens of classes later, it’s the most enjoyable and encouraging workout.