Ramblings on Cryotherapy

It is a beautiful summer weekend in May. The Florida sun shines across the parks and buildings. And there I am, in a dimly lit bathroom with a 10lb bag of ice.

I tear through the plastic and empty the load into a cold tub of water. Armed with 5 layers of tank tops, shirts and sweaters, I jump in. A thousand rusty razor blades attack my toes, calves, hamstrings and glutes. After 5 minutes of pure hell I step out, wobbling ever so slightly.

Mid-conversation with an old friend, he pauses and asks — have you tried cold showers? I submerged my lower body in a subzero bathtub for 5 minutes once…does that count?

He does a cold shower every day for 5 minutes. What’s up with 5 minutes everywhere? Afterwards he feels amazing, full of energy and with an ‘ate that frog’ mentality for the day.

I make a mental note to try it…fuck me.

Two [terrible] weeks pass. I cheat and do 5+ minutes of hot shower before cold. But it’s not cheating if I need hot water to shave. I begin shaving every day.

My wife is pleased with my newfound grooming habit. I can’t tell if I’m getting real results or Mr. Placebo is messing with me. I feel more energetic but that 3pm nap is still calling my name.

I stumble across an interview with Tony Robbins. He says cryotherapy is his favorite piece of tech gear. Cold showers….but colder? My mind betrays my body as I Google for local cryo spots. This is San Francisco, there are 5.

Outfitted with fuzzy socks, slippers and undies, I jump into the cryotube. Three minutes pass at -126 C. Fuck you brain. Quiet body.

I exit the tube into the tropical paradise of Berkeley. The rest of the day I’m a machine, no coffee required.

Back at home my cold showers are not getting results. But I’m not turning the knob ALL the way cold…fuck you again, brain. I let out a girlish scream followed by a manly grunt. I am Leonidas and this is Sparta!

Seems to do the trick. So long 3pm power nap. So long over caffeination. This feels incredible. Fuck you brain. Quiet body.