Back To School With Autism
Each and Every Year Brings It’s Own Challenges
For every parent, back-to-school time can bring a range of emotions, as we grapple with the annual reminder of how quickly our children are growing, but feel the relief that comes with returning to a more structured schedule and potentially getting a bit of time back for ourselves.
This can be particularly true for autism parents, like myself and my wife, as parents of almost-eight-year-old Sadie, who was diagnosed with autism four and half years ago. (Sadie is usually non-verbal, though she has about 20–30 words she uses sporadically.) Notably, school means a daily break from the challenges of the behavioral issues we’ve addressed over the summer, in addition to returning to more structure. However, for Sadie, the beginning of school can be a rough time, so this year, I’ve tried to step back and really focus more on what back-to-school means to her and less on what it does for me.

On the first morning of school, the alarm goes off. For me, it represents a sense of order and return to structure, but for Sadie, it’s a real source of anxiety. The worry and concern come through in her vocalizations: Why aren’t we watching morning cartoons and snuggling like we’ve been doing over the past few months? What’s keeping Daddy so busy downstairs? When she comes downstairs and sees all her new school paraphernalia in the living room, it’s like a blanket of dread engulfs her. Her new backpack and lunchbox aren’t exciting — they’re something different. And the school uniform that was so soft and fit so well has been replaced by a new one that feels different on her body, with unfamiliar folds and creases.
As much as we try to ease into it, nothing compares to the actual first day and her knowledge that it’s now the real thing. So at this point on the first day, we’ve had some serious meltdowns, to the point of pulling clumps of her own hair out and hurting others around her. She’s not trying to be naughty, but is communicating that things should be a certain way, and they’re not that way anymore.

In addition to these more familiar factors, we’re facing a whole new kettle of fish this year as Sadie’s school hours increase by an hour. This means a new school bus, a different driver, a new special needs assistant on the bus, different pupils on the bus, and a different route to school. And of course, there’s a new teacher, and a new special needs assistant in the classroom. We’ve talked to her teachers, and are taking some steps to (hopefully) ease the transition. Last year, school ended at 2 and even though she can’t tell time on a clock, she knew the order of activities, and was always ready by the door when it was time to go home. This year, she’ll have another hour — til 3 — after she thinks it’s time to go home. So on the first day, I’ll pick her up at 2, and then at 2:10 the next day, and so on over the first week to get her used to the new ending time. (Then of course, the second week will mean that the school bus takes her, so there’s still another change to conquer).
The more I put myself in her position, I understand why returning to school is not a good time for Sadie. But it doesn’t last forever. Within a few weeks (maybe longer this year), she’ll understand the new schedule and will start to adapt. Knowing this helps me respond to her anxiety more tolerantly, and lets me focus on helping her through this difficult period. Ultimately, I am learning that the root of all of this is communication. With her verbal, non-verbal, and AAC devices, there is a lot she is telling me, if I just slow down to listen to her, and change the focus from the positives of back-to-school for myself to why she is having a tough time adjusting.
She is a precious, beautiful child with so much to give, and it’s so important to remember to take time every day to consider things from her perspective and look for what I’m missing about her experiences. Each year, the return to school helps me add more tools to my toolbox to help Sadie out. I’m sure that most of my fellow autism parents have similar stories of transition. What have you found that helps your child and family successfully transition?
