What I Learned This Week, July 3–9, 2017

These are the things I learned the week of July 3 to July 9, 2017.
1. No matter how much I want to like watching baseball it’s like trying to reunite with a hot ex who’s just really annoying.
2. Always read vague motivational lists that you can twist into thinking you’re doing okay. (See #5)
3. My new friendship test is quite simple:
Hello, friendship candidate! Do you like pineapple on pizza?
A. No. I’m a normal human being.
B. Yes. I’m a sociopath
4. My dog’s drool can be used as window caulking.
5. Inspiration means action. Inspiration without action is just a wish.
6. I spend more time scrolling through Netflix trying to decide what to watch than actually watching something.
7. I have a hard time looking a salad in the eyes after my cheat meal day.
8. Why does my salad have eyes?
9. Nothing beats a hug. Nothing.
10. The only thing worse than Clowns are your so-called friends knowing you hate clowns.
