Fatherhood
On January 8th 2012, my son was born. The moment when the skies opened up and brought us the most magical night of our lives. Upon spending several hours in the nicu (neonatal intensive care unit) because of my son’s irregular heartbeat, we finally heard from the paediatrician and nurses that my son would be healthy. After the unscheduled c-section because of his irregular heartbeat, this was the first moment when it sunk in that I was a father.
Later that same evening, I met both my parents outside with the lights of St. Paul’s Hospital behind us. In my father’s eyes, I noticed this overwhelming joy and happiness that can only someone who knows him for all these years can truly appreciate. My father is thoughtful, intelligent, honest and also reserved, but he has the strongest emotional bond with his grandson. Without many words, my father conveyed the most uplifting emotions of pride and joy for the future of his family.
Life truly does change after becoming a parent and it seems everything is viewed using a different lens. I was not prepared for the overwhelming emotion and attachment to this new life. The love between a parent and child is unequivocal. In the next few days following his birth, I started to wonder why it was such a surprise. Do we in society obsess over the mother and child relationship and attachment? In this day and age is it still a sign of weakness for a man to show emotion?
Now, as a divorced single father the situation becomes more complex and at times very challenging. The overwhelming expectations from ‘oldschool’ or ‘traditional’ bias is for the father to take a back seat. As far as our society has moved with regards to parenting responsibilities and support, we have a long way to go to remove this bias. My son, today and each day forward is the centre of of my life. I am sure any father reading this will agree, the hopes and dreams for your child is to have a better life and to provide and support them — life++.
From a NYTimes article titled, “Study of Men’s Falling Income Cites Single Parents”:
The single parents raising the rest of those children are predominantly female. And there is growing evidence that sons raised by single mothers “appear to fare particularly poorly,” Professor Autor wrote in an analysis for Third Way, a center-left policy research organization.
Each of us regardless of gender of both the parent and child, we simply want the best for our children and want to see them live a healthy, happy and prosperous life. Parenthood, encompasses the same challenges, emotions and attachment for each of us.
For my toddler, who looks up at me with those curious eyes, I challenge myself everyday to be best father I can possibly be. Parenting is not a perfect science, each of us deserve to be given the opportunity — no gender bias.
