St. Teresa’s Ecstasy

It is not widely known that St. Teresa was a bit of a party animal. She always had the best ecstasy. I mean just look at that sculpture by Bernini. See her face and all the golden sun beams? Yea she was definitely on some good shit. Before instagram and Snapchat you could only record and share your sick ass nights through sculpture (which took fucking forever by the way). So Bernini’s sculpture is an example of this.

Basically, Pope Pius X threw the best parties. This one was a costume party and the slutty nun look was very popular that year (at that time a slutty nun costume was basically a nun costume where the ankles were exposed). Anyway, being a saint and all, St. Teresa wasn’t ever really into the status quo and decided to subvert everyone’s expectations by throwing on some old blankets and going as a good old fashioned hag. Hence her garb in the sculpture.

Well anyway after popping some ecstasy and throwing back a few glasses of the body of Christ, she hit the dance floor. While doing an early form of the Nae Nae (always the trend setter), she bumped into a hot-ass angel boy man. She doesn’t really remember the rest. Mainly the sculpture was so that she could show her friends how fine the angel guy was. They were real jealous.

I’m no art history expert, but I think I nailed it!