To Be Or Not To Be — A Role Model
“I’m not a role model.”
I like how people say that. And mean it. I wouldn’t want to be a role model, either. Standing on a pedestal is uncomfortable, doesn’t provide much room for moving about, and keeping your balance is something you have to be aware of at all times.
Even so, not being role model isn’t up to you.
Most things are subjective. Art, for example. You like some things, you don’t like others. Music, writing, film, politics, food… almost everything. You can change your mind about things, you can expand on your definitions of what you like or don’t, become more open, become more closed. It’s all subjective.
So you can say you don’t want to be a role model or that you aren’t. And, from your perspective, that’s that.
Only it isn’t. Just ask those people who know more about the character you played 20 years ago than you do. Or those art teachers who remember what you said in an interview when you were hungover or depressed about something. Or those readers who understand the universe you wrote better than you do. Or the people who have collected your stats since you were a rookie.
Thing is, once you send something out into the world — whatever it is — it becomes something other people take in and filter through their own desires and experiences. It’s no longer completely yours, even if it’s your own persona.
You may get angry because strangers seem to have appropriated something that once belonged exclusively to you, or so you thought. You no longer completely control it and that’s maddening. Understandable, but it doesn’t change the reality.
Maybe you should still be able to control it — it is, after all, a part of you. But should and can are only acquaintances in this life; they rub shoulders, but being in agreement is not a given for them.
Likely most people held up as role models never considered being one. They were just trying to accomplish something meaningful to them or doing what they thought they had to do, or sharing the results of the work they had so much invested in. They never thought that doing so would cause others to construct a set of stairs leading to a tall plinth for them. If they had, they probably would have tried as hard as they could to avoid stepping up on it.
And it’s probably not just being on a height that bothers them; it’s the potential fall from that height, because those that put you up on a pedestal can knock you off of it. Coming down can be a quick as being elevated and both can happen without your willing participation.
Why subject yourself to this process if you could avoid it? So, the pre-emptive “I am not a role model.”
Too bad saying it doesn’t make it so. Just as ‘haters gonna hate’, lovers are gonna love and if you find yourself in a position of being loved to an extent that makes you uncomfortable, you’ll have to find a way to deal with it in your own head. Fortunately, to help you see your options, you have only to look around; there are plenty of role models.
