The Walk of No Shame

I was already feeling satisfaction thinking about the girls who took me in as I was after I shared with them the fact that I am pursuing polyamorous lifestyle, as I try to figure out where those feelings lie in the spectrum of polyamory. I recall those three girls I found in the haze of club filled with singles who signed up mostly using the “Inner Circle” app. One honestly told me that she would get feelings of jealousy if her lover went out to pursue other beautiful girls. As I disclosed my clear feelings about primal instinct I could tell she lost interest in me for a romantic relationship. But she asked me to go and pursue other beauties on the floor. As I tried to overcome my feelings of another road not taken, I walked outside to smoke a cigarette after a long time in a while. As I lit my drug dose, I saw a group of 4 beautiful girls sitting on the bench enjoying their life. A dude sitting there invited me to sit and as I did so, two of them, and if I am not mistaken, called me simultaneously almost in chorus. The rush of ecstasy flowed through my confidence and words started flowing out of my mouth without any stopovers in conscious mind. Before I knew it I was telling them that I would take both of them together as my starting nodes of polyamory if they would have me. As I discussed the idea of how forced ideas of monogamy from the society kills our pursuit of romantic love under pressure. I became open about my feelings of making love to them truly and understand them to the core, I became captured by the warmth blossoming from 4 big expressive eyes. But I noticed as I would look in two of those, the others got lowered and I wanted to tell them how I was true to the intensity of my love. So I picked those other two up and told everyone involved that we are going to talk about are feelings together. And to my satisfaction I had the attention again. The lips of the one who had lost the interest for a while were so sensual that in the middle of my flowing words, I blurted out my compliment. Oh the way she blushed and thanked me was orgasmic. Her name is Marike. So as I got lost in my half processed ideas of polyamory, I saw Marike leaving my company. As she walked away, I couldn’t hold it and asked across the bench where she was going, to my sadness, back home. So I resumed talking to Leonie. And I was back with love flowing through me cause her smile was contagious. I walked back inside with Leonie and her friend Tanya to get going on the dance floor. In the alley, Marike was getting her baggage from the cloak, getting bombarded with guys. As charmed as I was, I waited for my intimate moment with her. And there I leaned in towards her ear and whispered, “I’d like to see you again”. She smiled and said something which got puzzled in loud music. But from what I think she said, I told her, “Of course it is for you to decide”. Oh that feeling of empowerment in her demonstrated with that widened smile and blushed out cheeks, she said, same Thursday next week. I smiled, repeated the same appointment and let her go in hope that she might come. I will go and oh boy how glad I will be, to see those lips and eyes again. So I walked to the dance floor and found myself with Leonie and Tanya. I took Leonie by the waist and picked the beat with her on our feet. I twirled her, let her reach the walls of the club from arms extended while I held her hand, let her hair almost sweep the floor while I held her lower back over my front arm, caressed her, kissed her neck, kissed her lips as she left telling me that she had the best time of her night leaving me for her boyfriend and preparing for her next day at work. I walked back home fulfilled with motivation to explore the swingers club I have been long thinking about.

I am ready with my blue suit with white faded little checks with club’s dress code under. I navigate myself to the club while I am getting feelings of excitement walking cold feet. But I will go on, and remember that the moment to enjoy is also right now, so I find myself in the train while two very well dressed beauties, a blondie and brunette come sit in front and beside me. And I blurt out, you guys are well dressed, as they compliment me too. They said they are going to a party, hopeful it will be nice. As they get comfortable, blondies asks brunette if she can listen to music on earphones while brunette goes in agreement to the restroom I assume. I wanted to tell the blondie that I was in disagreement but now I feel guilty about another road not taken. But I guess my feelings of guilt are diluted by the experience of the candid conversation that the girls had as brunette came back from the toilet with expression of gross on her face. They talked in detail about one of their friends who was going to get married while I smiled and enjoyed listening to the whole conversation looking right at the blondie. I knew that she was enjoying every moment of it. I wish the chatty girls had stopped for a single second so I could find a moment to complement blondie’s light grey eyes like the ones photoshopped on a techno music festival poster. I did not get it. The train stopped to Amsterdam Centraal as the girls got up and I told them to have fun, they worried a lot about not getting an invitation to their changing friend’s marriage.

Club Paradise, lies on the north side of the station. As I was waiting for my bus, Anubhav called me who had left for US in the morning he had been longing about. He was excited but also confused about his exact state of mind. He tells me that the airport looks like a shopping mall of India. People are generally more bulky and that the flight was served with very high calorie food. People come and talk to him spontaneously like a guy who came over when he saw Anubhav wearing the OctoberFest t-shirt we visited year ago. The guy enjoyed the story when three of us including Apurva ended up passing out under the sky at a public park with no worry about our possessions. He was used to deliver some products there via a company. So I told Anubhav, that’s good right, live each moment there as it comes and do what you feel like doing without shame. I had to get off the phone dropping low in battery while he pumped me to do the same. I find myself at the club’s counter ready to pay while becoming aware that debit card was not accepted so I rushed myself to the nearest ATM and found a kind Somalian family who gave me lift forth and back.

I am walking in with nothing but a light microfiber tight cotton underwear with collaged patterns of Rajasthani style. Hiding all of that but the “Bjorn Borg”labelled elastic band, I am wearing deep blue shorts with hallucinating white birds. The club boasting two poles on one side with couches spread around it with two gorgeous girls around them. On the other side a semi circular bar with couples and single men around it. I take my place for a beer while I see a single guy talking to the girl about how long they have been swinging. As she leaves with her partner telling him that maybe she will see him again, I strike a conversation with the dude. It’s his first time too but he tells me he is already disappointed and I am perplexed as I see so many gorgeous around me and tell him that more will be coming. I make my way to find an assortment of snacks. And in comes slender, long legs and translucent high heels. The air gets filled with vibrations of two consecutive passionate hellos as she walks away in the white one piece shiny nylon white bikini. Vase in the centre of the circular couch and there it was a girl laid on her stomach heels pointing upwards while the guy rocked her world and a guy just sat beside them awing at her O face. I made myself comfortable on the sofa lined across the room’s walls. Everyone is sitting chilled and watching the act of intense love making. After a short smoke break, I find myself back in the same room and lo and behold, there sits the stunning woman in white bikini with her partner who must be in his fifties. I ask and sit beside her to tell her how wonderful her bikini looks. She comes here with her partner, twice a month. After candid introductions, she tells me that she doesn’t usually talk with someone this much and asks me “You want to play?”. “Of course”. She takes off her bikini, she is probably in her forties with very slight wrinkles but I know that she really takes care of herself. We start to touch, my fingertips going over her long arms, neck, collarbone as I push her blonde hair to the back. My chipmunk finds himself turn into a gorilla as she asks me to take my shorts off. So she sliding off my shorts, finds wallet and cigarettes in my pockets, as she caringly advises me to go and put the wallet back in the lockers. “Oh, the underwear looks fab”, touching the fiber, “This is new”, “Yeah I picked it up from the store for the night”, smiles, “Take it off”. The blowjob was filled with enthusiasm as I found my way over her thighs to check how wet she was. “You can touch me everywhere but there”, and as I guessed right, “Anywhere but lips”. She was a proper girlfriend housewife. I did not want to come with just the blowjob and told her I want to fuck her. “Let’s do it honey”. As I took her one leg over my shoulder, translucent heels pointing upwards, I slid my cock inside her and she gasped “Oh, you big”. Rocking her hard for a while I asked her to turn around on her fours. “Be careful, don’t do it too hard”, worried that the condom might come off. So I gave it to her and she came but me. Looking at her face, I told her, “I want you to break all bondages”, frowning her eyes, “What do you mean?”, respecting her boundaries, “I want to continue in as many positions as possible”, smiling she said, “And I want to fuck here as many guys as possible”. I walked across the whole club naked holding my clothes in the hand to take a shower. I walk myself back in the club to find another in her prime. In the smoking room there she is sitting with her back towards me, her tattoo printed on the lower back vanishing into the underwear to her butthole. “Nice tattoo”,”Thanks”. “I am from Rotterdam”,”Utrecht”. Both of us are lone survivors. “My ex boyfriend was an asshole”, watching over her face with piercing in her nose and deep eyes, “Why are you smiling at me?”, “I am admiring you” and there it was, her long lost smile. Now I am looking at the perfect booty being twerked towards her boyfriend sitting at the couch. “Man you are lucky”, “I know right?”. “I am from Argentina and she is Brazilian”, with deep blue coloured streaks on her blond hair she comes to sit beside us. “We never swing. She likes to dance and enjoy herself.”. “He never dances with me easily. He is shy. It’s our second time today here. We have been to strip clubs in chile, these guys could use a change of management. Everybody comes in naked” “Hmm, that’s why you are wearing that wonderful top with net. Imagination is the key to ecstasy”. I walk over to the other room and the girl from the smoking room is in a gangbang. After long while, I take my cock out to stroke with other guys standing there while she is sucking one’s dick and fucked doggy by another. The guy at the back moves over while the other hesitantly switches. She is rocked by him for a while the one she was sucking, pulls her over on her back, she held the bar under the vase by her hands, asks the other guy to leave while he hesitantly came close to her for a blow. She is pounded hard by that guy as she is clenching on to the metal while she smiles at me after her O face. It took too long and she was gasping for breath. I wanted to give her one on one session but she would have already been done, so I walked away. Even though I hadn’t cum until now, I wasn’t disappointed, just wondering as I joined in to dance with all the couples who had just walked in. After swinging around few gorgeous on their heels I made myself comfortable on the couch as I saw the Brazilian and Rotterdam girl playing together around the pole. I sat their long while the girls stepped down, and the couples dancing took their place on the platform.

As I sat there I tried to reason about the dynamics of the place, people in general including the couples who were there with the encounter of the only single girl I met so far. When things were reeling in my head, suddenly I saw the woman dancing on the platform with the nicest grin on her face. Looking at enjoying herself was the most enchanting moment of the night. As she was swung around between men, she caught my eye and I saw them fixed on me while her body flowed like wind around the poles. She would steal her eyes and then see me just looking at her with a slight smile. Suddenly, a man takes her one leg and pulls it up her waist as he starts fingering her furiously. Her eyes from looking at me were suddenly closed with O expression and in just after half a minute she squirted on the whole platform. It was magical as she opened her eyes looking at me with intense relaxation over his shoulder. In no time she resumed dancing, but slowly, and when she crouched I gestured her to come to me. She didn’t but kept catching my glance while dancing. So I walked over and climbed up the platform as she looked at me from another man’s shoulder as I waited for her to come to me. I started “Hello”, “Hello”, “You look awesome”, “Your eyes are beautiful”, “Thank you, your body is really fit”, “You did well there with your boyfriend”, “Oh that’s not my boyfriend, my husband is sitting on the couch over there”. She calls to the guy with skills, I shook his hand. She continued, “What are you doing here?”, “Observing and enjoying myself”, “You are too nice to be here.”, chuckling I continued, “It is my first time here”, stunned she asked, “And how do you like it?”, confused about my feelings, “It’s nice here. People are happy. I am looking at why everyone is here, trying to understand them. So far I am sure that I like one on one action. I feel the bond is deeper” , “And why do you want to understand people?”, “So I can understand the world”, “Why?”, “To change the world”, wowing she said, “How are you going to do that?” ,”With Ethereum”, “What?”, chuckling I asked, “Do you know about bitcoin?”, confused she looked so I continued, “It will enable good distribution of wealth” and suddenly she interrupted, “Oh yeah, yeah I know”, then suddenly it struck me with more conviction than ever, “I want to empower poor people”. “Oh I really like you as a person. I am a yoga teacher”, “I do yoga three times a week”. Flattered I was as she swooned over me, suddenly she went over to edge of the platform to talk to her husband in Dutch to tell about me, so I went over and crouched with her. “I just told my husband about you”, I extend my hand, “Hello”, “Hello”, “He wants to change the world” she exclaimed, “Oh, that is ambitious” he said and I said “That is important in life right” and he nodded in agreement. As we got back up again, our eyes fixed on each other as she kept walking in on me but confused looking over to her husband for a second, “I don’t think he likes this, I’m sorry”, “Oh that’s fine you don’t have to apologise”, “How old are you?”, “27”, “I am much older than you”, I smiled as she kept looking at me, and I said, “Do I look younger or older?”, “You look much wiser for your age. It’s actually my birthday today, well it was”, “Oh, congratulations, happy birthday”, hugged her well and kissed her three times on the cheek. She was blushing like anything, “I am getting older”, “Oh well, you are here and most of all you are happy” she kept smiling at me as I told her “Have fun” and walked off the platform. In that moment I realised that I had found my colour in the spectrum of polyamory, so I will not be coming here again for a long while, at least not alone. But I enjoyed every moment of it walking away with no shame but smile on my face.