Autistic ≠ Bad Behaviour or not knowing right from wrong
I’m autistic and I’m proud of that fact. I’m proud of it because I am me, I have found myself I have found my tribe I have found belonging and freedom to be the person I am and to grow into the best version of that person that is possible.
I’m autistic and I’m different not less. That means I uphold that as an autistic person I am different I am neurodivergent from the so called normal. I am not typical. This makes some things in life a little difficult, and conversely it provides me with strengths and skills that I may not have otherwise.
But, I’ll tell you what it doesn’t give me. It doesn’t give me license to go and do whatever the fuck I like. It doesn’t provide me an excuse, reason or justification for hurting other people, breaking laws and generally being an asshole.
Just because I’m autistic doesn’t mean I can’t tell the difference between right or wrong, in fact it likely gives me a heightened sense of that fact. I simply am unable to recall a time in my life when I was not able to tell what was right or wrong. In fact I have a very sharpened sense of justice and fairness and I believe this to be quite a common autistic trait — we like rules as the stereotype goes.
So here’s the big question why is it that so many want to use autism as a reason or excuse for bad behaviour by autistic men. I don’t have a diffinitive answer but I do have an inkling of an idea. That as parents, carers and professionals we have failed autistic boys by excusing behaviour that is simply not acceptable and associating it with a false notion of not having the capacity to understand.
I’ve seen it all too often in autistic men in online spaces. This is difficult to say and is possibly not too popular but all too often I see autistic men in online spaces display predatory harrassing behaviour towards women online and when called out on this behaviour blame social communication aspect of their autism to excuse it.
This has to stop. Autistic men it has to stop. You know right from wrong and behaviour that stems from male privilege and toxic masculinity is not acceptable behaviour either online or in actual face to face interactions.
It is certainly true that often we autistic people miss or misinterprit social communication and cues. This is a fact of autism this is the nature of being autistic. But, what we don’t lack is the capacity to understand a direct communication telling us that something is not acceptable.
It’s not unheard of for an autistic person to miss nuanced social cues that a person they are interacting with is not interested, bored, wants to get the hell out of the interaction they are in. This is one of the challenges that pretty much all of us autistic people face on a regular basis.
There is though a very clear difference between that and a person continuing on with their behaviour when they have clearly been asked to desist. Allistic people it seems will generally try a sublte hint that they want out of an interaction, often we autistics miss this, however allisitc people don’t generally just stop their when that doesn’t work, they will tell us, pretty bluntly at times too, that enough is enough.
For far too long within our own autistic community and in the broader autism communities there has been too much allowance of social difficulties as excuses for unacceptable behaviours. It’s just the autism we say, he doesn’t understand we say, it’s time to call bullshit on that line. It really is.
Harrassment is harrassment and Abuse is abuse. Neither of these things is social communication difficulty they are what they are and it’s time to stop.
Autistic men, and it usually is men, this has to stop. It is time to take responsibility for unaccaptable behaviour towards other humans and make the change.
Parents of autistic people the responsibility is on you too to ensure that never is autism an allowable excuse for behaviour that is unacceptable towards another human person.
Yes absolutely many of us will always struggle with social cues and communication. That’s kind of a given for an autistic person. It’s also a given that we might just have to work a little harder in order to have successful social interactions. It may not be fair but it is what it is.
Let’s be clear the problem with violence in our society is nothing to do with autism, it is mostly to do with toxic masculinity and the long standing male belief that they are entitled to womens bodies.
Let’s also be clear that not only is autism no excuse for violence, for murder, for rape, but also it is no excuse for predatory and unsavoury behaviour towards other humans ever.
It’s pretty clear that to change the situation and make real change in the devastating reality of violence against women that it is going to take men to change things.
I think, as I get to the end of this that this is my call to autistic men. Autistic men stand tall and strong and be the shining example to all the other men that harassing, unwanted, predatory and violent behavior towards other human persons is simply unacceptable.
I am Autistic and Proud and across the pages of history Autistic people have led our societies with things like science and technology innovations and so forth. Come on autistic tribe let’s lead in this and let’s create the snowball of change and let’s make a stand and proclaim it autism is never an excuse for behaviour that harms another, whether physically or psychologically or in any way whatsoever.
Autistic Pride let’s be the change this world needs.
