Happiness in Life

Happiness. It’s something that everyone wants but few people find. Why? Shouldn't happiness be the default? Shouldn't it come naturally? Perhaps.

In reality, happiness isn't something that “comes” naturally or otherwise. Happiness is something that you have to chase down, toss a saddle on and ride into the future.

Happiness is elusive because people aren't looking for it, they're waiting for it. Want to know how to be happy?

Stop Waiting for Happiness

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but happiness isn't coming home. It’s off gallivanting around outside. Stop waiting for it to return. It’s not coming back. I’m sorry, but as much as you need happiness, happiness doesn't need you.

Start Looking for Happiness Instead

It’s about time that we put on our big boy or big girl pants and go capture that gallivanting childlike thing called happiness. We need to grow up and realize that happiness isn't “ours.” It doesn't belong to us. No one owes us happiness. There is no right to happiness. We have the right to pursue happiness, but not to have it. It’s important to remember:

“The world doesn't owe you anything, it was here first.” -Mark Twain

P.E.R.M.A.

Before we go chasing after this elusive creature called “happiness,” it makes sense to discuss what happiness really is. You're probably thinking, “I know what happy is.” But do you really? And, no, “I know it when I feel it,” is not a definition.

I was listening to a great podcast this week titled Where There’s Smoke. On the episode in question, a psychologist named Laura Delizonna defined happiness by saying that it comprised the following five attributes:

• Positive Emotion
• Engagement
• Positive Relationships
• Meaning
• Accomplishment

This is an interesting list, because it forces us to consider happiness as an active pursuit, rather than a passive emotion. Sure, the emotion exists, but things like engagement and accomplishment and meaningful relationships require work. Don't they?

For instance, if I sat around waiting for my wife to make me happy, I’d be in for a world of hurt — on many levels. But, by actively working on our relationship, by growing together, by enjoying each other, by loving each other, happiness comes.

Likewise, when I set out to do something bigger than myself — the Balance is Bunk Podcast for instance — I am engaged. Sitting down to work at the computer after a long days work, doesn't sound like fun to a lot of people, but producing this show gives my life meaning and that meaning produces happiness.

Plan for Happiness

Here’s something I hadn't considered until recently: I can plan for happiness. Tweet This!

A few weeks back, I interviewed James Goi Jr., the author of How to Attract Money Using Mind Power. We talked about attracting abundance by controlling our thoughts. James shared a story about how he was deeply in debt, so he began to change his thoughts and tell himself that his credit card debt was gone. After a few days, he truly began to believe that this was true and in short order the debt was satisfied.

“But he was lying to himself!” I can hear you shouting. Perhaps, at first, he was, but pretty soon his thoughts became the truth. James, echoing many wise metaphysical and spiritual teachers, believes that his thoughts rippled out into the universe, changed circumstances, and rippled back to give him what he desired. If this is true, then couldn't we start with something simple like happiness?

Here’s a simple plan for happiness. I challenge you to give it a try.

The Balance is Bunk Happiness Plan

1.) Embrace the Positive

If you want to be happier, you need to start feigning happiness. Smile for no reason. Practice smiling in the mirror. Sure, you'll look silly doing it. Laugh at the silliness of it. Enjoy the release of endorphins and smile wider from the euphoria of it all. Make a commitment to smile at yourself in every reflection you see throughout the day.

2.) Engage

I have a magnet on my refrigerator that reads, “What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?” (You can get one HERE). Every time I see that magnet, I am reminded that every choice I make matters. More than that, it reminds me to pursue the things that truly matter to ME.

Do what matters to YOU. It is not selfish to do what matters to you, it is your mission, your calling, your purpose. Engage. And smile the whole time you're doing it.

3.) Foster Positive Relationships

The people around you matter…BIG time. Pay attention to them, put your phone away and talk to them over dinner or lunch or coffee. By them a card on their birthday or when they are feeling down. Call them just to tell them you're thinking of them. Make plans together. Spend time together. Laugh, engage, and smile together.

4.) Find Meaning in Your Work

It doesn't matter if you work as a doctor or a doorman, your work matters. Find the meaning in it. If you are waiting tables, make your customer’s meal the best minutes of their day. If you are an accountant, find every cent that the company or client can use to make the world better. Remember: good or bad, everyone make a difference. The smallest person doing the smallest task with the biggest heart, engaged, with a smile on their face, will move mountains.

5.) Accomplish Something Every Day

The trick to accomplishing big things is focusing on the next step. Most people focus on steps that are far from where they are today. Stop. If you want to climb Everest, figure out what the next step should be. You can get up the mountain later, but you'll never get the chance if you don't take the next step and the one after that.

Pick what matters to you. Write down the next three steps you need to take. That is your to-do list for this weekend. Accomplish one step every day. Smile through the process. Engage. Ask for help if you need it. Then, at the end of the day, celebrate the accomplishment. After all, you're one step closer to your dream then you were yesterday.

Conclusion

Happiness is available to everyone, but only those who chase it down will ever find it. Happiness is in the pursuit. Please, don't ignore this. Happiness matters. You need to plan for it.