10 Confessions of a Non-Influencer
It’s a scary, perfect place out there
I see all these amazing profiles on Instagram … beautiful people and perfectly curated lives.
As much as I’d like 10K followers, especially so I could cease with the “link in the bio” nonsense, that’s not me.
As a blogger, I am in the home life and productivity sector, but I am mostly just an ongoing personal experiment. I am trying to hack my own life to feel less anxious and more in control. Trying being the keyword here.
Here are 10 things you should know about me
1. I regularly drop my clothes on the floor. (I don’t think that’s a major character flaw, but some people were embarrassed for me when I wrote about it.)
2. I cannot fold a fitted sheet for the life of me.
3. I skip any recipe with a long list of ingredients or one that involves a candy thermometer. Nope. I am out.
4. I leave drawers ever so slightly open. Don’t ask me why. I have no idea.
5. I take a horrible selfie. In fact, I often frighten myself when, by cruel accident, I flip the camera on my phone onto myself. Worst of all horrors. Videoing myself while talking? I can’t even.
6. I have a dungeon storage area that scares small children and grown men. It will never appear on social media. Never.
7. I often check the expiration dates on items in my fridge and pantry. Yet, somehow an item that’s older than a 2nd grader will show up out of nowhere.
8. I will drive to another zip code to avoid parallel parking. (My evidence-based theory: This skill uses the same part of the brain as folding a fitted sheet.)
9. I have a skin care routine. It’s called “Spotty at Best” or “Pore Thing.” I can’t decide.
10. I work with words. Love them deeply. But I suck at pro-nun-ci-a-tion and have more malaprops than mic drops.
I am pretty sure I can blame a gene for that last one. Once my dad told my siblings and me that he had bought us Corollas, and we could find them in the garage.
You get a car! You get a car! You get a car!
It was actually a 12-pack of Corona. … which in my family we still loving refer to as Corollas. They’re great with tacos.
I spent a lot of years wishing I were more perfect. I am over that. This list makes me smile.
If I could influence you, it would be to get to that place of acceptance quicker than me. (No. 11: I am no youngster. You may have deduced that based on my use of the word youngster.)
That said, I still want to master the fitted sheet. I am certainly not giving up on worthy causes and self-improvement. I am just picking what matters to me most.
Parallel parking? Nah. I’ll leave that to human wizards and smart cars.
