Swirling Thoughts During Your 1st Date

Oh, how I love you first dates. I’m waiting with excitement to meet for the 1st time. The butterflies in my stomach are rising and based on previous text conversation, this guy seems cool. It’s all cool, I’m cool. I’m chilling. I got my shit together, my life is great, I’m a great catch. OK… wait a second, do I even want to date this guy? I mean, I don’t know… I haven’t met him yet.

I actually don’t want to date. Nope, no dating for me, I’m dating myself at the moment. Totally A-sexual. Who need’s sex? I’m fine without it. But he is so cute. He’s hot. But maybe he looks completely different in person? Maybe he thinks I look different too? OK… don’t panic, I got this. I’m in control.

We will meet with friends, just laid back and easy going at a public place. Told him where I’ll be, since he’s in the area. Cool, if he meets me now he’ll see the real me, no make-up, my hair messy and flip flops. Relaxed atmosphere. I don’t care, it’s whatever. I don’t even know he’ll show up, since my phone died. Not even thinking about him. But he was pretty eager to meet, based on his texts. OK let’s see….

OK…here we go, if this guy, talking to me, is another dude, that’s fine too. But nope all good, it’s him.

It’s really him. Damn he’s cute. He does look the same, like he does in his pictures. Oh damn! I look like a mess. But hey, he didn’t run from me either, so I guess he must like what he sees too? I’m tipsy anyways.

2nd drink in and no food, this conversation is fun. I’m gonna take this guy home. All morals and rules are out the window. New rules. Ha, I like him, We click. Damn and now we kiss and holy sh*t, I think I am losing my mind. He’s a good kisser too. His points are getting higher and higher, and I’m really happy he was showing up. 5 hours and 10 drinks later, we are home at my place.

Sex was amazing and I’m texting all my friends telling them I’m in love. OK sister, hold your horses, don’t go crazy and don’t confuse lust with love, biggest mistakes from the past. I got this…. I actually could see myself dating him. F*ck! I could see myself marry this guy. I think I really love him. Love is such a great feeling.

I hope I’ll see him later. I hope he likes me. Wonder how long he takes to text back? Wait… what if he doesn’t text back? But no, why wouldn’t he text back? We had a connection. Sh*t, now I’m feeling like this insecure, little girl again. God dammit… this sucks. Like this whole waiting-around-and-checking-your-phone-every-second is really disturbing. What the f*ck is wrong with me?

Maybe he doesn’t like me? Did he even cum? I mean, I know I came like 5 times. He’s a keeper just based on that. He rocks my world. But maybe he thought I was awful in bed? I should have given him oral. Damn!

Wonder if he dates other girls too? I mean, he totally can, but I’m not gonna wait around either. But then again, he said he’s more the monogamist kinda guy and he hates “dating” as well. But still he’s on a dating app, so what’s that suppose to mean? Oh god, that’s why I don’t date. Because all I do is think obsessively about something that I have no answer to. Ah, whatever… it was fun for the moment. If he calls, he calls, if he doesn’t-no biggie.

Next time, I’ll do things completely different.